Parenting Tips
How to Effectively Guide Your Children with Humor
Warning: “Brush your teeth, or they’ll turn green and fall out!”
Issue: Kids are not particularly concerned about the future—unless it’s about what’s happening in the next eight seconds.
Solution: “If you don’t brush your teeth, they’ll get this gross orange film on them. Just ask your little sister! She has that because she’s 2 and screams when we mention toothbrushes. Plus, if you skip brushing, we’ll have to visit the dentist. And trust me, even though I say his office is fun and gives out stickers, it’s more boring than you think, and you should avoid it at all costs.”
Warning: “Get dressed now, or you’ll never wear clothes again!”
Issue: Refusing to let your child wear clothes could raise eyebrows at child services. Plus, seeing them beg after weeks of nudity is heartbreaking.
Solution: “If you don’t get dressed, I’ll just sit here silently and stare out the window until you ask me if I’m okay.”
Warning: “If you don’t let me trim your nails, they’ll turn into dangerous weapons!”
Issue: Now my 4-year-old thinks his hands are a threat, potentially leading to a “Scissorhands” complex.
Solution: “I want to trim your nails because I’m terrible at stopping myself from biting mine into oblivion. When I see your lovely, long fingers, I imagine waiting until you’re snoozing to nibble on them myself. It’s not right, but luckily, there’s an easy way to fix this!”
Warning: “If you keep crying, I’m going to cry too!”
Issue: I can’t cry on command, so if he calls my bluff, I’ll be stuck trying to fake it. And let me tell you, nothing is more unsettling than a child witnessing a bad acting performance.
Solution: “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll keep asking you why you’re upset, even though you can’t catch your breath to answer. I’ll hold you close and say things like, ‘It’s going to be okay, buddy,’ while rolling my eyes because it’s honestly a bit silly to cry for 15 minutes over the cat stepping on your foot.”
Warning: “Going to bed with dirty feet will attract monsters.”
Issue: He’s only 4, and monsters feel very real. I fear he’ll obsess over cleanliness like he’s at a holy river.
Solution: “You know what? It doesn’t really matter if your feet are dirty. Honestly, I sometimes feel a little useless around here, and one of the few things I can control is keeping you clean. So, when it’s bedtime, I just feel like I’m not being a great parent if your feet are dirty. Wait, are you still awake?”
This article was originally published on April 29, 2012.
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Summary
This piece offers a humorous take on parenting strategies for effectively communicating with children. Instead of using fear tactics, it suggests lighthearted revisions to common threats, promoting a more positive and engaging dialogue with kids.
Keyphrase: Humorous Parenting Techniques
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