Not long ago, my partner and I attended a wedding that can only be described as breathtaking. If there were a reality show titled “Extravagant Celebrity Weddings,” this event would have been the star. Set in a lavish beachfront mansion, it featured live bands, an array of delectable food stations, and even synchronized swimmers performing in the pool. Amidst all this grandeur, one statement from the officiant resonated deeply with me: “Marriage is not the most important thing; it is the only important thing.” Those words lingered in my mind.
Having a child with Down syndrome feels like joining a unique community. Other parents reach out, offering comfort, solidarity, and understanding. Just a week after we welcomed our son home from the NICU, another parent who had traveled this path before us sent us a heartfelt email. She described her own fears upon learning her child had Down syndrome, yet shared how her son continually disproved those fears, filling her with hope for his future.
After reading her message, my partner turned to me, his emotions overwhelming him. Tears streamed down his face, and he struggled to find words, but one phrase stood out: “I hope he finds a girl with Down syndrome; I want him to love someone the way I love you.”
During the diagnosis period, I grappled with the notion of marriage for our son, a concept that had always held great significance for me. Would he ever experience the joy of love and companionship? As life expectancy for individuals with Down syndrome increases, so does the rate of marriage among them. Yet, it still feels like a rarity, often making headlines when it occurs.
While I desire for my son to marry, I realize my wish stems from the happiness my own marriage brings me. It’s made me a better person. However, that doesn’t mean it needs to be the focus of his life. Our role as parents is not to create replicas of ourselves but to instill values while encouraging independence and personal choices.
To the officiant, I respectfully disagree: love is what truly matters, not marriage. Our son may not experience love in the same way his father and I do, but he will love and be loved—by his sister, grandparents, cousins, and potentially a partner. Whether he marries or not, his life will be enriched with love.
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In summary, while marriage is a beautiful institution, it is love that truly enriches our lives. As parents, our goal is to nurture our children’s capacity to love, regardless of the form that love may take.
Keyphrase: Love Over Marriage
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