As I reflect on my life, I can’t help but chuckle at how different my reality is from what I imagined as a teenager. Back in high school, if someone had interrupted my reverie while I was lost in a book or jamming to my favorite band, and told me that I would grow up to be a stay-at-home mom of six, I’d have laughed out loud and blown imaginary smoke in their face. I would have said, “You must be joking! I’ll never don the apron of domesticity that society is trying to drape over me.”
The thought of expecting my seventh child at 41 would have left me dumbfounded, as would the idea of joyfully packing lunches and braiding hair. Back then, my grand plan revolved around joining the Peace Corps, landing a role at the CDC, and perhaps having a child with a like-minded partner who’d build a chicken coop for us. Spoiler alert: none of that unfolded as I envisioned. Instead, I find myself happily married to a wonderful man who doesn’t sport a beard and who’s not particularly handy with tools, surrounded by a bunch of kids who eat like they’re preparing for a food competition. My life has transformed into shuttling the kids around while perpetually battling laundry and the television remote. Yet, despite these changes, I still carry remnants of my teenage self:
- My Love for Reading: While I still adore reading, the time it takes me to finish a book now stretches to about a year. It’s a struggle to find anything without cartoon characters on the cover. My bedside table is a testament to my ambitions, stacked with books that often serve as little more than dust collectors.
- Musical Tastes: I still have a penchant for “cool” music, or at least what I think is cool. My kids insist my Neko Case and Wilco albums are outdated, but now I find myself belting out Top 40 hits—yikes! Ed Sheeran might stay, though; he has that charmingly innocent vibe.
- Fashion Awareness: I’ve maintained an interest in fashion trends—not that I’ll ever wear midriff tops or pants adorned with sparkly embellishments, but it’s crucial to know what styles I’ll firmly refuse to let my kids wear. There are some truly wild fashion choices out there!
- Desire for Adventure: In my youth, I craved the thrill of live music and the excitement of meeting my favorite bands. Fast forward to my current reality, where I now need a 12-passenger van to accommodate my kids on outings. Our “party bus” is filled with little ones, and the only substances aboard might be my Xanax or Benadryl for long drives.
- Appreciation for Solitude: I still cherish alone time, reminiscent of my teenage years spent pondering life’s mysteries (or not). Now, I find myself mentally exhausted, but I still enjoy those quiet moments—mostly to read a few chapters from those untouched books.
- Enduring Love: I’m still head over heels for my high school sweetheart, who has transformed into an incredible partner and father. The fact that he’s not into chickens or goats doesn’t matter; I never thought we’d end up here, and our love story remains my favorite constant.
- Smoke Signals: Occasionally, I still find myself enveloped in smoke, but not from the past. It’s usually because I forgot about the chicken nuggets in the oven. Our smoke alarm has become numb to my cooking mishaps.
The younger version of me never anticipated caring about ingredient labels or patting myself on the back for getting laundry done—or even celebrating the kids mastering the art of self-wiping. I’m grateful that the artsy teen I was didn’t realize where true happiness and meaningful struggles would come from. Life is a fascinating journey, and while I may have set sail with a plan, I’ve learned to embrace the unexpected waves and the ebb and flow of existence.
So, dear 17-year-old me, I may be rocking that domestic apron, but I’m doing it with style!
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