Updated: June 28, 2016
Originally Published: March 7, 2012
Reflecting on my childhood, it often felt like my parents had a low tolerance for many of my choices. They weren’t shy about expressing their disapproval. Take, for example, my wish to indulge in a hamburger at a friend’s barbecue. I can only imagine the grimace they had to suppress, my mom’s subtle eye twitch being the only hint of their unease. When I took up cross country running with such enthusiasm that I was out for a ten-mile jaunt before breakfast, they tolerated that too, though I sensed their worry. They may have preferred I spent more time on academics, yet they stood back and refrained from interference.
Tolerating my choices didn’t mean they celebrated them; they simply allowed me to pursue my interests without much input—a classic case of tolerance rather than support.
Many parents advocate for teaching their children tolerance: accepting different religions, beliefs, appearances, and lifestyles. While that’s a noble sentiment, there’s a significant gap between mere tolerance and true acceptance. Children might learn to acknowledge differences passively, but that doesn’t teach them to embrace those differences wholeheartedly.
Growing up in a predominantly white, blue-collar neighborhood where diversity was often only tolerated, I ponder how to guide my kids to genuinely appreciate those who differ from them. I realize that if I only teach them tolerance, I’ve missed the mark.
Our world is rich with differences, yet at our core, we all yearn for acceptance. When we foster a sense of empathy, love, humility, and humanity, we unlock something truly magical. That’s what I aspire to impart to my children.
Having faced racism at various points in my life, my perspective is undoubtedly shaped by those experiences. I recognize that my own children, being half Indian, a quarter Puerto Rican, and a quarter Italian, may encounter their own challenges regarding acceptance.
Lessons to Instill in My Children
So, what do I want to convey to my kids, Luna and Max, about transcending mere tolerance? Here’s a glimpse of the lessons I hope to instill in them:
- Recognize Beauty in Differences: When you meet someone who looks different, celebrate their unique features—be it skin tone or hair texture. Each individual is special, just like you. Remember, our differences contribute to the beauty of humanity.
- Show Empathy: If you encounter someone with a disability, open your heart. Offer assistance, even if it’s declined. Don’t shy away from befriending those who seem different; you might discover shared interests that surprise you.
- Engage with Different Beliefs: When discussing spirituality, listen more than you speak. You’re growing up in a household where we’re still figuring out our own beliefs. A nod and a polite smile can go a long way.
- Celebrate All Forms of Love: If you meet a couple of the same sex, it may seem unusual—or not at all. Just remember that love is beautiful in all its forms, and if two people are fortunate enough to find love, they deserve your applause. (But keep in mind, wait until you’re at least 21 to embrace anything too tightly!)
Imagine a world where we don’t settle for mere tolerance. Society often congratulates itself for being slightly indifferent to differences, but there’s a far richer path available.
Teach your children that acceptance and celebration of diversity are vital in our beautifully complex, multicultural world.
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In essence, let’s strive to cultivate a generation that doesn’t just tolerate but wholeheartedly embraces all the beautiful differences that make us human.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Empathy
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