To my beloved partner,
This morning started off uniquely, with our little 2-year-old’s finger exploring my nostril while her head rested firmly on mine, and trust me, her breath could have melted ice! I’ve spent the day dodging little ones who seem to think my body is their personal jungle gym, tugging at my clothes, and leaving a trail of fluids in their wake. They poke, squeeze, sneeze, and wrap around me like an octopus, leading to vivid dreams of being smothered by squids once I finally drift off.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I adore you too, but I really need you to keep your hands to yourself for a brief moment. I require some PERSONAL SPACE before I can transition from mom-mode back to wife-mode.
So, as you set the mood with those slow jams, please remember:
- It may be date night, but earlier today, our children were quite fascinated with my belly button and spent a good few minutes giving it the ol’ pinch. And let’s not forget the “thunderous” diaper I had to deal with. So, let’s take it slow.
- It may be date night, but I haven’t had a moment alone since waking up. Even during my solitary bathroom break, our newly potty-trained darling followed me in and volunteered to help! Let’s just give my mind a moment to erase that thought.
- It may be date night, but I’m in the same bra from yesterday, which I fell asleep in. Then the baby decided to add some spit-up to the mix. So, I might need a moment to recover and maybe burn that Victoria’s Secret catalog collecting orange macaroni dust on the counter.
- It may be date night, but our daughter chose to wipe her nose on my arm today and then declared it was “mashed bananas.” (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.) So, perhaps you could keep your distance until I can scrub both my arm and that memory.
- It may be date night, but I spent most of the day on my knees. And, no, not in the romantic sense! I was scraping dried spaghetti sauce, gathering what felt like a million sensory beans, and cleaning up pee from the carpet. So, those holey mom pants might not be the sexiest option right now.
- It may be date night, but that wild look in my eyes is a result of repeated exposure to toys that light up, honk, or sing “Let It Go” in Spanish. So, if you find me mumbling to myself in a dark corner instead of engaging in romantic banter, try not to take it personally.
- It may be date night, but I prepared three meals today while being clung to by our big kid, with the little one on my hip and the middle one on the floor crying for attention. For dessert, I think I’ll take a double dose of silent meditation.
- It may be date night, but I just got the baby down after a long struggle. I’ve already made a silent deal with the universe to keep her asleep. If we wake her, I’ll be nursing for another 20 minutes, and let’s just say my sanity is already hanging by a thread. So, how about we keep it quiet for, oh, six more hours?
I love you, you are incredibly attractive, and I promise to prioritize us again soon. But today, our kids were so attached that they might as well have been inside me! I need to recharge a bit before I can look into your dreamy eyes and think of anything other than how nice it would be to close mine and crash.
For now, let’s enjoy some wine and strawberries that haven’t been sliced into quarters. Let’s cozy up by the fire and reminisce about how we fell in love ages ago. Hold me close tonight, shielding me from the toddler aiming for my face at 3 a.m.
Thanks for your understanding. Happy Date Night!