Many women’s magazines love to churn out those “How to Improve Your Sex Life” articles aimed at moms. Just reading the titles makes me want to arm myself with a fire extinguisher and a bucket of ice water for when my partner and I spontaneously combust from “excitement.” You know the ones: “Ignite the Passion!” “10 Ways to Rejuvenate Your Relationship!” “Heat Up Your Bedroom Without Burning the Sheets!” (Okay, that last one is clever.)
But let’s get real here. Can we please dismantle the myths about intimacy presented in these glossy pages? Let’s face it—sex after kids often isn’t as thrilling or frequent as it used to be. Here are my thoughts on some of the most common tips dished out to moms by these magazines:
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Don’t Forget Foreplay.
Real Mom Response: Seriously? As if I’m not already juggling enough! I’m trying to have sex while catching up on Netflix, browsing US Weekly, and snacking on something healthy, all while reciting my grocery list. Foreplay? My husband thinks it’s “brushing his teeth,” and honestly, I’m grateful for that! -
Create the Perfect Atmosphere (Candles, Oils, Lingerie, Oh My!)
Brutally Honest Reaction: Are we still doing that? I mean, isn’t that what got us into this whole parenting mess? If the room doesn’t smell like a gas station and I’m in a tee without holes, I’m calling it sexy. Dim the lights or let the TV provide some ambiance, and we can multitask our way to intimacy without ditching our favorite shows. -
Schedule Weekly Date Nights.
Reality Check: This one sounds great in theory, but let’s be real. Finding a night when no one’s sick or has a million activities is like winning the lottery. Plus, who wants to go out when we’re both exhausted and end up talking about the kids anyway? -
Plan Your Intimate Moments Around Naptime.
Snarky but True: Nothing says “romance” like the pressure of a ticking clock. It’s like telling moms to “nap when the baby naps”—sure, that’d be nice, but it rarely works out that way! -
Kickstart Your Day with Morning Sex (Wake Up an Hour Early).
Candid Response: Who thinks an hour is necessary? I can barely manage nine minutes! Honestly, the only thing I want to do in the morning is hit that snooze button—one more time!
So, fellow moms, toss those “spice it up” articles and top ten lists. It’s about quality, not quantity. And when you find yourself in need of some home insemination tricks, check out this post about the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit as well as the At-Home Insemination Kit for more effective solutions. Lastly, for those looking into pregnancy and fertility, this podcast from the Cleveland Clinic is an invaluable resource.
In summary, let’s be real about the complexities of intimacy post-kids. Quality over quantity, folks.
Keyphrase: sex advice for moms
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