In my brief journey into motherhood, I’ve found myself telling a few little white lies to my son. For instance, when I promise ice cream tomorrow, and when the day arrives, he’s forgotten about it. I stay quiet, knowing it would spoil his dinner. By the time he remembers, we’ve already passed the ice cream shop, and instead of a treat, he has a wholesome meal at home. It’s a classic example of a fib told for his benefit.
Then there are moments when I say, “If you don’t sleep in the next ten minutes, I’ll go to bed without you.” The truth is, no one’s sleeping until the little one is fast asleep. I know the thought of being left alone is just scary enough to make him give in to sleep. I resort to these tactics because, in parenting, sometimes you do what you must to survive.
Of course, I’ve told him stories about Santa and the presents he’ll bring. I’ll keep this tradition alive for a few more years, asking if he’s excited about the Easter Bunny or what the tooth fairy might leave him after his first lost tooth. These are lies I can accept, but one lie I refuse to tell my son is: “You can be anything you want to be.”
I understand this phrase is often said with good intentions. It’s meant to inspire and encourage, to allow children the freedom to dream big. But I believe this can also become a detrimental falsehood. While I wholeheartedly believe in my son and will always support him as his biggest fan, I know he cannot achieve every dream simply because not everyone is suited for every path.
Some people lack the skills to become surgeons due to unsteady hands; others may not have the patience to be teachers, and some may be too tall to be fighter pilots. It’s just reality. However, I do want my son to explore his potential and try new things. If he wants to audition for the school spelling bee, even if he struggles with basic words, I’ll be there to support him. If he has a passion for music, I’ll encourage him to join the band or choir, even if he’s not a natural talent. And if he wants to explore sports, I’ll be his biggest cheerleader, signing him up for everything from football to tennis.
I’m committed to helping him improve at whatever he chooses, as long as he’s willing to keep trying. He might want to be the pitcher on the baseball team every season, but if his arm isn’t strong enough to make the cut, that’s perfectly fine. I want him to understand that not every dream will come to fruition, and that doesn’t mean he’s failing. It simply means he’s human. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it’s my responsibility to help him navigate this reality.
As a toddler, my son’s future is still a mystery. I don’t know how tall or strong he’ll become, how driven or shy he might be. I can’t predict whether he’ll thrive on stage or prefer quiet moments in the classroom. What I do know is that I won’t deceive him about his potential. If a dream is unrealistic due to his personal limitations, I’ll be honest with him about it.
Because as his mother, I cannot tell him that lie.
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Summary
In this heartfelt piece, Jamie Sullivan discusses the delicate balance of encouraging a child while being realistic about their abilities. She emphasizes the importance of honesty in parenting, illustrating the need to guide children through their dreams while acknowledging their limitations. By doing so, she aims to foster resilience and self-awareness in her son.
Keyphrase: Parenting honesty
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