As I step back into the academic world, I can’t help but reflect on a thought-provoking statement from my imaginative five-year-old son, “So, let me get this straight, Mom. You went to mommy school to learn how to be a mommy, right? Now that you’re a mommy, you want to go back to school to learn how to be a teacher? Ah, got it! That’s cool.”
The concept of a Real Mom University—a place to refine the art of motherhood—sparked my imagination. What if there were classes designed specifically for mothers to help navigate the unique challenges of raising children? To be accepted into this whimsical Mommy College, students would first need to complete a prerequisite course. Below is the course syllabus, offering insight into the wild adventure that is motherhood. If you feel dizzy, lightheaded, or break out in a cold sweat while reading, you might want to reconsider your readiness for this journey and perhaps enroll at a later date.
Course: Everything They Never Tell You But You Really Need To Know in Order to Survive Motherhood
- Expect an audience for all your bathroom activities, complete with unsolicited commentary and ratings. This includes everything from urinating to even the occasional pimple popping.
- Prepare to second-guess every decision you make—from what to wear or eat to what toys to buy—because your mind will constantly be occupied with how it might affect your little ones.
- You will discover the true essence of unconditional love. Your child will compliment your beauty even when you’re in your oldest pajamas, sporting morning crust in both eyes, and have breath that could knock out a small army.
- You’ll reluctantly learn that saying no is not an option when your child sweetly requests your last crispy, greasy french fry, even if it’s heading straight to your mouth.
- The phrase “a sound sleep” will vanish from your vocabulary, as you’ll awaken at the slightest noise, even a raccoon rummaging through the trash blocks away, convinced it could somehow endanger your kids.
- Although you’ll plan a night out with fellow moms months in advance, you’ll find that nearly the entire evening will be spent discussing and missing your children.
- You’ll master the skill of showering in under three minutes, weighing the importance of mascara versus deodorant when you realize you only have two minutes left before the school bell rings.
- Forgetting to wear a bra will become commonplace, but you will never forget the day your child first said “woof” while pointing at the dog or the pink outfit worn during their first crawl.
- A wave of relief will wash over you when you hear another mom exclaim, “Wait, you pooped in your pants AGAIN?!” and realize that this particular incident is not your problem.
- At the end of an exhausting day, while excited about finally resting, you’ll find yourself tiptoeing into your children’s rooms to gaze at their sleeping faces, possibly shedding tears of joy as you appreciate their innocence.
By the end of this course, you might still feel uncertain about being the perfect mother. However, take comfort in this advice: always remain calm, carry on, and pretend you’ve got it all figured out. This remarkable journey only comes once in a lifetime. Buckle up, hold on tight, and savor the ride.
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Summary
Motherhood is a roller coaster filled with unexpected challenges and joys. The whimsical idea of a “Mommy College” highlights the essential lessons every mother learns, from navigating personal time to mastering the art of unconditional love. Embrace the journey, stay calm, and enjoy every moment.
Keyphrase: Motherhood Journey
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