Not long ago, I confided in a friend about a cosmetic enhancement I had sought years ago, a detail I had kept to a select few. Her response was surprisingly indifferent; she merely remarked, “You’ve always been a bit vain.”
I was caught off guard and felt a sting from her words. To me, being vain conjures images of self-absorbed characters, especially women, who would go to any lengths to preserve their beauty—think evil queens from fairy tales like Snow White. I certainly didn’t see myself as a caricature. This exchange prompted me to reflect on the thin line between pride and vanity and where I stood on that spectrum.
Like many young girls, my first notions of beauty were heavily influenced by my mother. She would take my sisters and me to department stores, where we would spend what felt like an eternity testing lipsticks and eye shadows, while I fiddled with that peculiar slate that determined skin types. My mother wasn’t obsessed with fashion, but her self-esteem was undeniably tied to her makeup routine.
She imparted her beauty ideals to me without reservation, teaching me to shave at the age of ten and suggesting I “might want to do something about that mustache” when I turned eleven. We would share bonding moments while bleaching hair in the bathroom. I fondly remember the first time I was allowed to wear eyeshadow for a birthday party in fifth grade. I rummaged through her old makeup bag and found a slightly cracked baby blue shadow, which I applied with enthusiasm, even if it rendered me somewhat of a hazardous roller skater.
While some may critique my mother’s approach, I eventually embraced her belief that beauty is attainable with the right tools. She taught me that looks don’t overshadow intelligence or character and that it’s possible to be both smart and attractive.
However, adolescence brought a host of challenges that severely impacted my self-image. I watched as my friends blossomed into confident young women while I felt stuck in a scrawny, awkward phase. Teasing was relentless, including being likened to “Sweetchuck,” a character from the Police Academy films—a comparison that surely highlighted the cruelty of teenage name-calling. Middle school was daunting enough without hearing “The Young and the Chestless” echoing through the halls, directed at me.
Gradually, with the help of hormones and a few training bras, I started regaining my confidence. As I entered my twenties, I rediscovered the power of makeup, courtesy of my mother’s influence. Though I didn’t wake up looking flawless, I had a strategy to enhance my appearance. I found that taking time to look good made me feel more organized, empowered, and even more charming.
I’ll be honest: I take delight in looking pretty—however I define pretty. I enjoy dressing well, receiving compliments on my hair, and admiring my reflection in storefront windows. I work out, watch my diet, and diligently apply sunscreen to stave off wrinkles. Makeup is my guilty pleasure, and Sephora is my happy place. While I strive to nurture my inner beauty, I’m equally proud of my outer appearance. Whether this qualifies as vanity is up for debate.
As I approach my 40th birthday, I’m acutely aware that growing older as a woman in our society comes with its own set of anxieties. We live in a culture that idolizes youth, and I grapple with what it means to present myself in an age-appropriate manner. I’m no supermodel; I have my share of imperfections like cellulite and fine lines. Yet, I still aspire to look my best for as long as possible.
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In summary, desiring to look beautiful or put-together is not inherently vain; it reflects a personal sense of pride and confidence. While our society grapples with its obsession with youth, embracing one’s beauty, both inside and out, can empower women at any age.
Keyphrase: wanting to look beautiful
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