Last week, while trudging through the mall for what felt like the hundredth time (thanks, snow!), I stumbled upon a Leapster Explorer at nearly half price. My curiosity piqued. My little one enjoys the plethora of puzzles, blocks, and noisy plastic toys we have, but she’d happily spend all day lounging on the couch with her electronic gadgets.
Like many parents, I try to keep her screen time in check during the week, but when I’m in a pinch, I’m all too eager to hand over a device to maintain some semblance of calm. This happens in the car, at the grocery store, during a particularly messy diaper change, or on Friday evenings when my husband’s flight is delayed. With a 6+ hour road trip on the horizon for late March, that Leapster deal was as tempting as a man in a uniform.
Before I could grab one of those gadgets, I needed to ensure it was a smart buy. A quick search on Google led me to a lengthy diatribe from a woman who believes she’s the parenting messiah. I won’t bore you with her tirade, but essentially, she claims that her kids grew up without toys or television and are now the most well-adjusted humans on the planet. According to her, only a monster would buy electronic toys for their children. Cue the eye roll.
With my Leapster in hand, I reflected on the plethora of awful parenting advice I’ve received over the past couple of years:
- “Go home and have a glass of wine.” This gem came from a high-risk technician after our 5-month anatomy scan. Clearly, she didn’t grasp that I’m more of a “go hard or go home” type.
- “Cocoa butter has caffeine in it!” A sales associate at a maternity store said this when I declined her 2-for-1 offer on stretch mark cream in favor of my Body Shop lotion.
- “Only take her out if you’re wearing her in a carrier.” This advice came from our pediatrician, which is ironic since The Kid was too small for the Baby Bjorn when she was born. It took me over three weeks to muster the courage to venture outside with her.
- “Bite back.” My mom’s friend suggested I bite The Kid’s arm to deter her from biting during breastfeeding. Because that’s how you solve problems, right?
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” While practical, this is perhaps the most annoying thing you can say to a new mom.
- “Put her in her crib, close the door, and turn up the radio.” My grandma handed down this advice, qualifying it with, “I never had to do this, lovey.” I often wonder how that worked out.
- “The more she’s awake during the day, the better she’ll sleep at night.” After 11 months of sleep struggles, I can’t even begin to dissect this one.
- “If that were my child, I’d put whiskey in a bottle.” This is why my Aunt has never been allowed near The Kid.
- “Never let her cry.” While discussing sleep training with a nurse at my grandfather’s funeral, my cousin’s wife jumped in, insisting I should hold my baby to sleep every night. So glad my cousin divorced her.
- “It gets better.” We’ve all said this, haven’t we? You see a frazzled mom with a colicky baby at the mall and instinctively shout, “IT GETS BETTER!” It’s meant well, but unless you’re providing a timeline, it’s probably kinder to offer a reassuring squeeze instead.
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Summary: This article humorously dissects a variety of misguided parenting advice received over the years, from the absurd to the annoying. While seeking guidance is natural, not all advice is created equal, and it’s important to trust your instincts as a parent.
Keyphrase: “bad parenting advice”
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