One bright afternoon not too long ago, I stepped outside my back door, instantly met by the joyful shouts and laughter of the neighborhood children playing in our yard.
“Mom! Can I go join my friends? Where are my shoes?” my five-year-old son, Ethan, exclaimed breathlessly.
“Sure, they are wherever you left them last,” I replied casually.
“But, MOM! I can’t find them!” he said, his voice rising in urgency. “Can you help me? They’re waiting for me! MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING!”
It’s important to note that his friends were not actually waiting for him. In fact, they were deeply engrossed in their own fun, completely unaware of his absence. They would have been happy to include him, but at that moment, they were content in their little world. Yet, in Ethan’s mind, there was no doubt: they were eagerly anticipating his arrival, needing him to join in on the excitement. His confidence was palpable; he believed wholeheartedly that he was an integral part of their group.
After a quick search, we found his shoes, and he dashed out the door. Watching him skip across the yard filled my heart with warmth. Every bounce in his step radiated pure joy and self-assurance. As a mother, witnessing his happiness was incredibly fulfilling, especially knowing his friends were kind and welcoming, despite being a few years older.
Yet, nestled among my maternal pride were unexpected feelings: envy and admiration. I envied his unshakeable self-belief and was in awe of his certainty of belonging. At six, he seemed to possess a level of confidence I often find elusive. As a child, while I was more reserved, I felt a genuine sense of security and acceptance. However, that innocent confidence faded, likely during my teenage years, overtaken by the weight of self-doubt and comparison.
Did I measure up? Was I attractive enough? Smart enough? Liked enough? These questions multiplied, and the self-assured child I once was seemed to vanish, replaced by an ever-anxious adolescent.
Even now, as adults, do we ever truly shed that self-consciousness of our teenage years? Do we ever stop questioning our worth or trying to fit in behind various facades? In college, I sought belonging through parties and alcohol, creating a persona that masked my true self. In my twenties, I relied on makeup and designer clothes to hide my insecurities. Today, I still find myself navigating a landscape of social media, curated images, and the constant need for affirmation.
But perhaps the confident, carefree child is still within us, tucked away behind layers of doubt and insecurity. If I listen closely, I can almost hear her whispering, “You’re enough. You don’t have to hide.”
As parents, our mission might be to help our children maintain that innate confidence for as long as possible. We should remind them of their value consistently, creating an environment where they feel secure and included. Simultaneously, we must work to reclaim our own childhood assurance, acknowledging our vulnerabilities while striving to connect with others over our shared experiences of uncertainty.
Maybe the real challenge for us, as both parents and individuals, is to shed those masks, confront our fears, and hold our children’s hands as we joyously skip toward the promise of belonging.
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In summary, our children exemplify the confidence we often wish to reclaim. By fostering their sense of belonging and embracing our vulnerabilities, we can navigate the complexities of life with courage and authenticity.
Keyphrase: Confidence in Youth
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