Parenting
Growing up, I often felt a swirl of anxiety and confusion, not realizing that my emotions were anything but ordinary. For years, I believed my struggles were my own fault. It wasn’t until I sought therapy and gained deeper self-awareness that I began to connect my feelings to my relationship with my mother. Thus started my journey to navigate a relationship that had always been filled with tension and discomfort—one I thought would be inherently simple.
I know many people face challenges in their mother-daughter relationships, but mine seemed particularly tumultuous. In my twenties, as I started therapy and recognized the dysfunction we shared, I made the difficult decision to cut my mother out of my life. It was an incredibly tough choice, one that weighed heavily on me every day, especially on holidays and special occasions. I grappled with guilt and sorrow, questioning my worthiness: Was I a terrible person for not speaking to my own mother? Why did others seem to have such harmonious relationships with theirs? What was inherently wrong with me?
As I continued my personal growth, I eventually felt ready to reconnect with my mother. However, this time, I approached the relationship with clarity, setting boundaries and being mindful of each interaction. While reconnecting alleviated some of my guilt and helped me feel a semblance of normalcy, I soon realized I was emotionally drained. Despite appearances, I found myself back in a state of hyper-vigilance that echoed my childhood experiences.
Last summer, during a family trip, I found myself feeling trapped once more. The familiar feelings of confusion and shame washed over me, but I was no longer the lost child; I had a family to care for. So, I made a decisive choice: I ghosted my mother.
It wasn’t easy, but it was certainly less challenging than my earlier decision in my twenties. The relief was overwhelming. I finally released the pressure to set perfect boundaries, to forge a healthy relationship, and to mold her into the mother I longed for. I just let it all go.
Sure, there are days when I feel sadness about the absence of an emotionally available mother in my life, especially now that I’m a parent myself. Yet, I understand the necessity of stepping away from a toxic relationship that drains my mental health. I am no longer that confused child; I’m a responsible adult with my own family.
When I found myself in a familiar situation last summer—one that made me feel overwhelmed and broken despite doing nothing wrong—I knew the time for action had come. I blocked her number, filtered her text messages, and unfriended her on social media. I stopped responding to her cards and gifts.
Since then, my self-esteem has flourished. I partnered with my best friend in a business venture. I’ve rediscovered my love for writing. Without my mother’s presence, I feel lighter, unburdened, and free to embrace my authentic self. I now appreciate that there is ample space in the world for all my qualities—my intense emotions, unwavering loyalty, profound empathy, keen business acumen, and bursts of creativity.
Ghosting my mother has allowed me to reclaim my identity.
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In summary, I made the difficult choice to distance myself from my mother to prioritize my mental health and personal growth. Through this process, I’ve discovered my true self and embraced my journey as a responsible adult and parent.
Keyphrase: Cutting ties with a toxic parent
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