Let’s whisper this so we don’t jinx it: My toddler is finally sleeping through the night. After months of sleepless chaos, I realized this morning that I can’t recall the last time he woke up crying. Maybe it’s time to share my journey with you—follow these 24 steps, and your little one might achieve the same peaceful slumber in just two and a half years!
- Start at five months with a dream feed. At 11 pm, carefully pick up your snoozing baby, while a voice in your head questions your sanity. Try to feed him, but be prepared for a lengthy battle to get him back to sleep.
- Attempt the dream feed again the next night, just to be sure last night wasn’t a fluke.
- Keep repeating this process.
- When he reaches six months, blame one parent’s snoring for the restless nights and move the baby to his own room. Sit back, hoping for a peaceful night’s sleep.
- At 3 am, stumble back and forth to his room, cursing your decision to relocate him. After multiple trips, bring him back to your bed and brace yourself for a kicking contest.
- Try once more the next evening, ignoring last night’s disaster.
- Experience the joy of stepping on Lego while rushing to get him, desperately trying to keep the noise down for his sleeping siblings.
- Repeat this nightly ritual while clinging to the hope that snoring was the true culprit. Dismantling the crib to move it back feels like surrender.
- After six months of this dance, innovate by placing a travel cot next to your bed for easier access during the night.
- Quickly learn that the baby despises the travel cot after a handful of failed attempts.
- Realize his feet might be too warm—of course! Cut the feet out of all his sleep suits to help him cool down.
- Go to bed with high hopes for a full night’s sleep.
- At 3 am, pick him up and bring him to bed, finding solace in how adorable he looks in his modified sleepwear.
- Download the Wonder Weeks app to understand his crankiness. While it helps sometimes, you still have no clue what’s bothering him today.
- Suspect early morning sunlight is the issue and rush to buy blackout curtains, ignoring the voice reminding you that the sun doesn’t rise at 3 am.
- Attach the curtains only to realize you’ve done it backward. After a few choice words, redo your work and hang them, hoping for sweet darkness.
- Get up at 3 am again, bumping your knee in the dark, yet you persist with the blackout curtains—surely they’ll work eventually.
- Fast forward to 18 months and you’re more desperate than ever. Google “my toddler won’t sleep” and read about bimodal sleep, only to discover there’s not much you can do about it.
- A friend recommends white noise for restless nights. Download an app and prepare for action.
- At 3 am, rush in with your phone, fumbling in the dark to turn on the app. Miraculously, he stops crying and seems to relax.
- Try to sneak out, but just as you reach the door, your little one awakens. Back to the chair you go—your new throne.
- At two years old, transition him from a crib to a bed. When he wakes, snuggle up next to him. Notice he’s stopped kicking you in the face—progress!
- Gradually shift to sitting on the floor beside his bed instead of climbing in. Consider bringing a cushion and maybe even a mini fridge for those long nights.
- Prepare for a long haul—this might take months, but eventually, sleep will come.
And there you have it! Follow these simple steps, and by the time your child is two and a half years old, he might just be sleeping through the night. Or not—no promises here!
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Summary:
This humorous guide chronicles the challenges and triumphs of getting a child to sleep through the night over a span of two and a half years. From dream feeds to white noise apps, it covers the trials parents face and offers a light-hearted take on the journey.
Keyphrase: How to help your child sleep through the night
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