By: Clara Thompson
Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 18, 2011
Mr. Thomas Reed
Chief Executive Officer
Not Your Daughter’s Jeans
9856 North Solo Street
Los Angeles, CA 90006
Dear Mr. Reed,
After shedding 15 lbs., I found myself on the hunt for new jeans. Starving and a tad irritable, I stumbled across your company, Not Your Daughter’s Jeans, known for catering to women over 40. At 45, I may not hold any credentials in psychology, marketing, or women’s studies, but I’m confident when I say that most women do not appreciate being reminded they can’t squeeze into their daughters’ jeans! Why must you emphasize this?
We certainly don’t crave our daughters’ petite figures, their back braces, or even their bizarre crushes on band directors. We have no interest in their liquid eyeliner or their minimum wage gigs at Taco Town.
BUT… and I speak from experience, we still want to wear jeans that evoke youthful confidence! Or at the very least, we want to give the impression that we’re rocking our daughters’ jeans, not something that resembles a waistband that reaches our armpits, stuffed with 60% Lycra. (Did I mention I was starving?)
Honestly, if I were to wear Not Your Daughter’s Jeans and a friend inquired, “What jeans are those?” I wouldn’t proudly respond, “Oh, these? They’re Not My Daughter’s Jeans!”
At 45, I desire jeans that boldly declare: “Oh yes, I snagged these from the junior section, and they fit fabulously! F-I-N-E, fabulous!” I want jeans that can be unbuttoned with a casual flick, not with the Jaws of Life! I crave jeans that allow a guy to slip his hand into my back pocket, not some minuscule pockets that can barely hold a phone number and a coupon for Oil of Olay.
I’m not sure how old you are, but here’s a revelation: Women over 40 still feel vibrant and alluring. Take Lucky Brand, for instance; their jeans feature a tag sewn into the fly that reads, “Lucky You.” That’s a perfect compliment for the lucky guy who’s unzipping them (yes, when I’m cranky, I make up words). I can only imagine the tag on Not Your Daughter’s Jeans says: “Dry clean only. Hang on a pink satin padded hanger. Store at a room temperature of 72 degrees.”
It’s amusing that every pair of your jeans includes a note stating: “NYDJ cannot be held responsible for any positive consequences that may occur due to your fabulous appearance when wearing the Tummy Tuck jeans. You can thank me later.” I think you’ve got a screw loose! What positive outcomes could possibly arise from donning jeans so filled with Lycra they double as support hose?
Perhaps:
- Being asked out by the elderly gentleman who checks my groceries?
- Having a Walgreens employee ask, “Can I help you find the incontinence section?”
- Being mistakenly offered a senior discount at the cinema?
- Wearing them for days on end since no one is interested in pulling them off me?
Mr. Jean King, I understand it’s too late for a rebranding, but have you ever considered names like Hot at Forty Jeans, MILF Jeans, or even Not Your Mom’s Jeans? If you had a brand for men over 40, would you ever label them My Fat Pants or Not Even Close to What I Used to Be? Or for that Lycra lift, how about Rise and Shiners? I didn’t think so.
Sincerely,
Clara Thompson
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Summary:
In a humorous and candid letter, Clara Thompson expresses her frustrations with the branding of Not Your Daughter’s Jeans, emphasizing that women over 40 still desire stylish, youthful denim. She suggests more relatable names for the brand and critiques the notion that women want to be reminded they can’t fit into their daughters’ jeans. Clara highlights the importance of confidence and comfort in women’s fashion, all while retaining a witty tone.
Keyphrase: Not Your Daughter’s Jeans
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