Let’s face it, how many times can we watch that pesky little spider climb up the @#$% water spout? It’s about time we had a nursery rhyme that speaks to us moms! Sure, “Pat-a-cake” is charming, but really—how about we mark that cake with an M for mommy and devour it over the sink the moment the kids are tucked in? As we start to feel like Humpty Dumpty, it’s time to crack ourselves up with some relatable rhymes.
ONE TWO
One, two. Slip on your %^&@ shoes.
Three, four. They’re right at the door.
Five, six. What’s that you just licked?
Seven, eight. No snacks, you just ate!
Nine, ten. Ugh, running late again.
HICKORY DICKORY
Hickory dickory dock,
Could you please stop poking your %^&*?
You went number one, now you’re all done—
Hickory dickory %^&*.
LITTLE BO PEEP
Little Bo Peep can’t get to sleep,
And the tears just keep on flowing.
Leave her be; she’ll doze off, you’ll see—
It’s called Ferberizing, and it’s worth knowing.
HERE IS THE CHURCH
This is the church. This is the steeple.
Buckle in your seat. We know all those people.
HUSH LITTLE BABY
Hush, little baby, don’t make a peep,
And I’ll let you play some Angry Birds to keep.
And if that pesky pig won’t die,
Pass it to your brother, let him give it a try.
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In summary, these modern nursery rhymes provide a humorous take on the everyday challenges moms face, while also offering useful links for those exploring home insemination options.
Keyphrase: nursery rhymes for moms
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]