Parenting
I Am a Messy Morgan
I’ll admit it: I’m a secret slob. Unfortunately, I’m not just a mess in the closet—I’m also a kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom slob. Don’t get me wrong; if I had to pick between a pristine home and a scene from the next episode of “Hoarders,” I’d choose the clean house in a heartbeat… as long as I don’t have to do the cleaning myself.
I’m not filthy; I’d shower twice a day if I could find the time. I constantly worry about germs in public spaces and cringe when my kids try to step inside with muddy shoes. If I get a stain on my shirt during lunch, it sends me into a minor meltdown, and I spend the rest of the day awkwardly covering the spot, praying no one mistakes my gesture for something else.
Honestly, I just despise cleaning. It feels like a total waste of time since, naturally, everything will get dirty again. And again. And again. If I had the cash and wasn’t concerned about Mother Earth, I would toss out dirty dishes and clothes and replace them with fresh ones. I wouldn’t save a single piece of paper. And if I didn’t worry about my kids’ future therapy bills, I’d snap pictures of their school projects and promptly toss the originals in the trash.
Occasionally, a friend will share how therapeutic she finds cleaning her home. “It gives me such a sense of calm,” she’ll say. I can’t help but wonder if she’s on something stronger than just cleaning supplies, maybe a potent lye-based cleaner?
No one is more disillusioned by my cleaning aversion than my partner, Jake. I must confess, I might have exaggerated my organizational skills when we first started dating. “I’m super organized,” he might have said over dinner. “Oh, absolutely, me too,” I likely replied, fully knowing it was a fib.
If my household skills were listed like a resume, they would be as exaggerated as my marketing prowess from 1998. I mix whites with colors in the laundry. I use a dust buster for crumbs on the dining table. I let sheets go for weeks without changing, and my dresser drawers are always slightly ajar because I shove clothes in without folding. It’s been seven years since I last used a mop.
I often worry that our home would spiral into a cluttered mess resembling an indoor yard sale if it weren’t for the occasional motivating factor: having guests over. My determination to keep my secret slob status hidden inspires me to take the rather radical step of hiring someone to clean my house for me.
If cleaning isn’t your forte, you might be interested in learning more about home insemination options. Check out this post about the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo. It’s a great resource if you’re exploring family-building options! Also, for those wanting to go the at-home route, Cryobaby’s At-Home Insemination Kit is an authority on this topic. For further information, you can visit the Cleveland Clinic’s page on intrauterine insemination.
In summary, I’m a proud secret slob who would rather hire help than scrub floors myself. If you relate, know you’re not alone in this messy journey of parenting.
Keyphrase: secret slob
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