When I was expecting my first child, I was consumed with preparing for the new arrival. “I’ll create a checklist!” I proclaimed a month ahead of my daughter’s due date. I recently stumbled upon that list and realized how naïve I was back then. Here’s that cringe-worthy list in all its glory:
THINGS TO DO BEFORE BABY ARRIVES
- Pack a hospital bag filled with snacks, beauty products, music, books, and my laptop, because labor will surely last for days, just like the books say.
- Attempt to clear my bowels twice daily to avoid any mishaps during labor.
- Purchase a new bikini and curate a soothing music playlist for my dream water birth.
- Watch more birthing videos on YouTube (after all, knowledge is power!).
- Launder all brand-new baby clothes with gentle, baby-safe detergent.
- Wash our own clothing with baby-friendly soap too.
- Clean all crib bedding with the same baby-friendly detergent.
- Call my midwife to check if I need to wash sofa covers and muslin cloths with baby-safe detergent.
- Disinfect the entire house with antibacterial wipes every day until the baby arrives.
- Commit to pelvic floor exercises throughout the day to compensate for neglecting them over the last nine months.
- Trim my overgrown bikini line so it doesn’t poke the baby in the eye during delivery.
- Buy books and DVDs for maternity leave entertainment.
- Make my partner promise to avert his eyes from ‘the bottom end’ during delivery.
- Learn to bake a cake (or at least cookies).
- Purchase a cake recipe book.
- Buy a cake tin.
- Revisit “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (again).
- Make a concerted effort to master perineum massage (perhaps find a tutorial on YouTube?).
- Enjoy a romantic dinner with my partner before the baby arrives since we might not get another chance for at least six weeks.
- CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve completed the list! Now kick back and unwind for a few weeks before the baby’s arrival!
I never made it to number 20. In fact, I barely got through number one.
“They say first babies are always late,” they told me. “You’ll likely give birth at least two weeks past your due date.” They were wrong.
I was blissfully indulging in a Big Mac (our romantic dinner) when my water broke. My partner and I hastily stuffed clothes and diapers into the nearest grocery bag, sped to the hospital, and no sooner had I stepped into the birthing pool than my daughter made her entrance, completely disregarding my unpracticed perineum massage.
There was no time for snacks, magazines, or music playlists. I didn’t get to don my stylish maternity bikini or worry about my bowels. Under the impression I had another month to clean, exercise, wash, and bake, I was thoroughly unprepared.
I had to bring my precious newborn home to a house that hadn’t been cleaned and still smelled like fast food, dress her in unwashed clothes, and hope that my overgrown bikini line hadn’t traumatized her for life.
When I was pregnant the second time, I didn’t bother with a to-do list. With a baby on the outside and another one kicking me from within, I was too exhausted to even think about pelvic floor exercises. I tossed out the books, skipped the baking, and definitely didn’t indulge in any more Big Macs.
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In summary, while preparing for a baby can be overwhelming, often the reality is far from what we anticipate. Embrace the chaos, and remember that no amount of planning can fully prepare you for the adventure ahead.
Keyphrase: Preparing for a Baby
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