A few months ago, I penned a post about the things you shouldn’t say to a mom of boys. I aimed for a blend of humor, insight, and a sprinkle of sarcasm. After all, I thought, I might just be saving someone from a verbal faux pas. Surely, someone had to step up and address these cringe-worthy comments, right? I envisioned my post as a public service announcement, like one of those “the more you know” segments.
To create this list, I mined my own experiences, pouring out my frustrations and cataloging every annoying remark that had ever crossed my path. When my well of irritation ran dry, I turned to my friends, eager to gather their grievances, convinced I was on the brink of viral success with my carefully curated list of gender-specific blunders.
But in the process, I made myself miserable. For days, I ruminated on all the inconsiderate or downright foolish things I’d encountered as a parent, especially as a mom to boys. I soon realized that I was sometimes misinterpreting innocent comments as offensive remarks, and I had been actively seeking negativity when it might not have existed at all.
Lists detailing what not to say are everywhere these days. There are guides for what non-parents shouldn’t say to parents, what parents shouldn’t say to each other, and so on. It’s easy to see why these lists resonate—they’re often humorous and relatable. Every parent, or honestly, every person, has faced an insensitive comment at some point. I, too, have made my share of regrettable remarks. However, the key difference is that most of these comments don’t stem from malice; they’re often just thoughtless.
While some of these what-not-to-say lists can foster important awareness and promote acceptance, I believe we’ve ventured too far into this territory, leaving us feeling anxious and overly sensitive. We’ve become so attuned to potential offense that we start to perceive hostility where there may only be ignorance or awkward attempts at conversation.
It’s time we chill out a bit. We need to extend the benefit of the doubt to others. It’s entirely possible someone hasn’t read the countless what-not-to-say lists circulating online. As parents, we’re bombarded with advice from all directions—parenting websites, blogs, and media outlets. While this wealth of information can be supportive and enlightening, it can also lead to unnecessary second-guessing and shame, even if it’s indirect.
Every day, I question my parenting choices. It’s a tough gig, and unsolicited advice can sometimes feel overwhelming. I wholeheartedly support open dialogue and truth-telling, but I can’t help but wonder if we’ve conditioned ourselves to see every comment as a personal affront. In the competitive landscape of parenting, we might be missing the fact that we’re all on the same side, striving to do our best.
Sure, there are genuinely rude people out there, but I believe most individuals are kind-hearted, navigating their imperfections—just like the rest of us. Perhaps we’d all feel a little more at ease as parents and as people if we adopted a more relaxed approach, presuming good intentions. Not every comment is an attack; some are simply misguided attempts at connection. We could save our outrage for real injustices and focus on uplifting one another. Simple affirmations like “You’re doing great!” or “How can I assist you?” can go a long way.
So, what was on my list of things not to say? Well, you’ll have to look elsewhere for that information. You won’t find that list here—not today, anyway. However, I can’t deny that I’ll still chuckle at the next “what not to say” headline that pops up on my Facebook feed or appears on a popular parenting site, because let’s be honest, those lists can be quite entertaining.
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In summary, while the what-not-to-say lists serve a purpose, let’s not lose sight of the kindness and understanding we can offer each other. After all, we’re all just trying to make our way through this messy, wonderful journey called parenthood.
Keyphrase: why I won’t write another what-not-to-say list
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