Scene: Our Dinner Table
Daughter: “How do you KNOW you should marry someone?”
Son: “When you meet the right person, it’s like a spark ignites. You have to nurture that spark until it turns into a flame and eventually a bonfire throughout your marriage. And the wick size matters too. A small wick means the spark can fizzle out. Dad’s got a huge wick, and that keeps Mom happy.”
Can you believe he’s only 10?
Jokes about the wick aside (and there are plenty of them), this conversation took place after we shared the story of our engagement with the kids over dinner. They were captivated by how Dad chose my ring and planned the proposal, and how I said yes.
It struck me that our children don’t view “us” the way I do. Their understanding of our relationship is rooted in their current reality (think: the mom they mainly see from behind while driving them everywhere and the dad who supports those adventures). They have no clue about our lives “B.C.”: Before Children. My son’s recent inquiry about whether a Beach Boys song was part of my college playlist made it painfully clear—they really don’t know me at all!
There’s so much they’re unaware of about the B.C. “us.”
They don’t know that on our first date back in 1995, standing by the ocean, I felt a spark as I gazed into his striking blue eyes. At that moment, I realized my rocky romantic past had led me to the man I would share my life with.
They don’t know that their dad took me out to celebrate my 21st birthday because my friends couldn’t make it (let’s be real, they were there, just not in a, um, legal sense). The fact that their dad often gently encouraged me to leave the bar so we could head home would probably blow their minds (let’s keep that our little secret, okay?). And let’s not even mention the housewarming party I hosted in our first apartment…
They weren’t there when I walked down the aisle to him, tears streaming down his face as he managed to whisper, “You’re beautiful.” They’d likely find it hilarious that we couldn’t stop giggling during the “for richer or poorer” part of our vows, given that we had a whopping $23 in our savings account on our wedding day (true story—thank goodness for our generous wedding gifts!).
They can’t possibly grasp how much effort we poured into making our first house perfect—sanding, painting, stripping wallpaper, and hammering away, all with the pennies we had saved from our wedding. My kids have no idea I can wield a pneumatic nail gun like a pro or that my spackling skills are top-notch.
Finally, they weren’t there to witness the shock and joy on our faces when that little stick revealed two pink lines. That stick marked the beginning of the end of just “us.” Over time, that “us” transformed into a “we”—a bustling, chaotic, all-consuming “we.”
Yes, there’s so much they don’t know about the B.C. us.
Disney World three times before kids. Two-door cars with no French fries strewn about. Friends who called us by our given names every Friday night without fail. Countless tiny details about the people we were back then that our children will never fully comprehend.
In this era of parenting, our kids often define us. We, as couples and individuals, find our identities in our children’s activities, achievements, and lives. It’s all too easy to forget who we were B.C.—like how we once danced on a bar or took spontaneous road trips in the middle of the night with friends. It’s crucial to remember that WE WERE HERE FIRST.
While I don’t need my children to know every single story from my past (thank goodness, because there are some they just CAN’T know…), I do strive to share snippets of those days so they can grasp who their mom is and how I became the domestic goddess I am today.
In those hectic, sometimes monotonous days of parenting, looking into those same blue eyes across the dinner table reminds me of who I was and still am at my core.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author shares a heartfelt look at the contrasts between their life before children and the present day. Through dinner table conversations with her kids, she realizes the depth of their unfamiliarity with her past, from first dates to wedding vows. The piece emphasizes the importance of sharing those B.C. stories to help children understand their parents as individuals. It also touches on the identity shift that comes with parenthood and the nostalgia of a life that was once filled with spontaneity and freedom.
Keyphrase: Pre-parenting life reflections
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