It’s quite possible you may have always had a slender figure. However, more often than not, women navigate life through a variety of body shapes, much like the rest of us. You might have been lean at ten, fuller at thirteen, battled the Freshman 15 at nineteen, and then cycled through being skinny on your wedding day, pregnant, experiencing post-pregnancy changes, and so forth. The women I know, particularly those who are mothers, are all too familiar with the sometimes dramatic transformations that our bodies undergo throughout our lives.
Factors like hormones, puberty, pregnancy, and dieting ensure that most women do not maintain the same weight or shape for more than five years at a time. While boys might also feel the pinch of bodily changes, the scrutiny that women face regarding their physical appearances is far more intense. Our bodies are subject to societal judgment, with attributes such as curves and cellulite often criticized. The fluctuations that come with womanhood can make our self-image more complicated.
You would think that experiencing such changes would foster greater compassion among women towards one another, especially towards girls of all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Women tend to judge each other more harshly than men do, often comparing and criticizing each other’s bodies from a young age.
As girls hit puberty—usually around age nine—the diversity in body shapes becomes strikingly apparent. Some remain slender into their teenage years, while others develop curves early on. My own daughter, while not particularly large, appears older than some of her peers, and my seventh-grader has friends who have already outgrown me in height. These observations are not surprising, yet the way society perceives girls at this age can be detrimental—and parents play a significant role in this.
If you’re a mother of a slender daughter, do you feel a sense of pride? Do you think you’ve done something right? Perhaps you worry about her maintaining that slim figure. Conversely, if your daughter is on the heavier side, does that concern you? Are you hyper-aware of her eating habits or anxious about her body image? Many of you might nod along to these questions, even if you don’t openly admit it.
These feelings are understandable, especially considering the struggles many women face regarding their own body image. The term “grief” aptly captures the shame, anxiety, and feelings of inferiority that often accompany our perceptions of our bodies. While I can’t provide a magical solution to these feelings, it’s disheartening to think that they can cloud our ability to truly appreciate our wonderful daughters.
You might argue that your concern for your daughter’s weight stems from a desire for her to be healthy, a sentiment I can respect. We all want the best for our children. But when parents of slender girls take pride in their daughters’ size or when parents of heavier girls feel ashamed, these emotions can hinder the unconditional love we wish to give.
So, I urge you to consider placing weight lower on your list of what you admire or are concerned about in your child. It’s likely that you’re projecting your feelings—and society’s biases—onto her. Instead, focus on nurturing her for who she is. Do you really want your slender daughter’s identity to be shaken by the Freshman 15? Would you be content if your heavier daughter avoided beaches forever out of embarrassment? Ultimately, you do not want your daughter to feel that your love is contingent on her weight, and I know that’s the truth.
With love,
A mother of two complex, funny, sweet daughters who are always beautiful to me.
For more insights into family and parenting, check out our other posts on topics like home insemination kits and self insemination techniques. Additionally, for comprehensive information about pregnancy, visit NICHD’s pregnancy resource—an invaluable source for every mother.
Summary:
Navigating body image as mothers of daughters—regardless of their size—can be complex. The societal pressure on women’s bodies often leads to harsh self-judgment and comparisons. Mothers must strive to separate their feelings about weight from their love for their daughters, nurturing them for who they are rather than their physical appearance.
Keyphrase: body image in daughters
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