“She cried when they welcomed daughters into the world, aware that being born female signified a life filled with humble challenges.” — Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
I can’t help but scoff at this idea every time I read it. There’s nothing humble about being a woman. Women are fierce, resilient, and capable of achieving anything men can. My parents instilled this belief in my sister and me, and we chose partners who share this conviction. There’s no more hardship in being a woman today than there is in being a man. Perhaps that was true in the past, perhaps in early 20th-century Brooklyn, but times have changed. I don’t fear having daughters in this era.
And yet.
When the ultrasound technician announced, “It’s a girl,” and I exclaimed, “I KNEW it!” sharing a joyful glance with my husband, a soft voice within me whispered, “Oh.” That simple “oh” carried an immense weight, revealing my apprehension about bringing another girl into a world that still bears the marks of inequality and sexism. No matter how much progress we’ve made, my daughters will still face challenges simply for being female, and this reality weighs heavily on my heart.
The truth is, we live in a society where misogyny persists; men who believe women are theirs to control still exist, even here in America. My daughters will encounter a barrage of societal pressures about their appearance, which could lead to self-doubt or worse. We reside in a city that is relatively progressive, yet overt sexism continues to rear its ugly head.
A dear friend once shared a poignant thought: from the moment your child is born, a piece of your heart exists outside your body indefinitely. Now, with another girl on the way, I can’t help but think that if my husband and I do our job right, perhaps our daughters will create a protective bond that allows them to deflect harmful messages, grow into strong women, find respectful partners, and perhaps, if they choose to have children, pass on a little less worry than I carry.
And yet.
Walking through the toy aisles at Target, I’m baffled by the way girl toys are drenched in pink, while boy toys are cloaked in blue. I hesitated to share the gender during my first pregnancy, fearing an avalanche of pink frills and ‘Daddy’s Little Princess’ slogans. When a stranger comments on my daughter’s beauty, I instinctively add, “and smart and strong.” Of course, she is beautiful—sometimes so much so that it takes my breath away—but I desperately want her to understand that her worth lies in much more than her appearance. I want her to confront negative societal messages with confidence, just as I do.
So, we’re having two girls. My husband, our family, and friends will do everything in our power to create a nurturing environment for them. We’ll instill the belief that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough. We’ll read stories about incredible women, encourage their interests in math and science, and allow them to explore their creativity—whether through dolls or trucks, art or athleticism. We’ll teach them to love whomever they choose, as long as that person respects them. We’ll raise them to be warrior princesses, not confined by stereotypes. Every day, we’ll remind them of their beauty, intelligence, and strength. We’ll strive to be their safety net and shield them from the shadows of insecurity and doubt, and if we give it our all, maybe they’ll grow up believing in themselves and challenging the narratives that seek to diminish women.
And yet.
A piece of my heart now lives outside me, and in five months, another piece will leave my body. I carry worries for my girls—the women they will become. My heart aches with the weight of this humbling reality of womanhood.
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In summary, while the challenges of womanhood persist, it is essential to raise our daughters in an environment where they can thrive, armed with self-belief and resilience.
Keyphrase: struggles of womanhood
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