I’m fed up with being a stay-at-home mom, and I long to return to the workforce. It’s not that I don’t adore my one-year-old; it’s more about needing to escape the chaos that comes with parenting. For the last six months, I’ve juggled a part-time job to spend time with my little whirlwind, but the desire for freedom is relentless… to be untethered… back at a desk for eight hours a day instead of constantly preventing my tiny daredevil from attempting acrobatics on furniture. I’m done obsessing over what goes on his high chair or enduring yet another episode of that infuriating show with the colorful characters.
I can’t take it anymore. I loathe being a stay-at-home mom.
This might explain why I’m facing the prospect of single motherhood with surprising courage. The thought of returning to an office and reclaiming my independence feels liberating enough to shout “goodbye” to my less-than-ideal husband and start making my own decisions again. The financial security would allow me to say “see ya later, Big Shot” if his antics become too much to handle. Honestly, I’m over the monotonous chatter of sports commentators echoing through the house at odd hours and the lingering smell of roast beef and Swiss cheese wafting from the fridge. I’m tired of feeling nauseous every time he strolls in, greeted by a sea of baby toys and my disheveled appearance.
I’ve morphed into a total grouch over the past two years, and I understand why. Or at least, I have my suspicions. I allowed the more radical parts of myself to be overshadowed by societal expectations of love and sacrifice. I aspired to be like my Italian grandmother, who dedicated herself to raising her children. I thought that giving up my dreams would strengthen my relationships. However, I’ve realized I don’t have to sacrifice my identity for the men in my life. My grandmother didn’t.
She made sure her dreams were flexible enough to include her passions while keeping her love for her family intact. My son will be perfectly fine while I return to work; he’s a social little guy. Despite my struggles with motherhood, we have a strong bond. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
As for my husband, I don’t despise him all the time. We actually get along quite well when the kids aren’t around. Perhaps that’s part of the issue; our relationship may have thrived before parenting changed the dynamics. If we do end up parting ways, I can see him finding someone younger willing to overlook my quirks—like my daily Grape Nuts routine, my preference for silence and a great book by Candace Bushnell over most social interactions, and my neat-freak tendencies that result in great writing but not much living.
I’m no domestic goddess. I’m not the perfect partner. And you know what? That’s okay.
This article originally published on July 9, 2010.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t suit everyone; it can feel suffocating and overwhelming. Finding balance and reclaiming autonomy is crucial for mental well-being.
Keyphrase: stay-at-home mom struggles
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