Tomorrow marks my birthday, and in celebration, I’ve decided to indulge in everything that naturally irks my partner, Jake. As a gift to me, he’s not allowed to roll his eyes or express his frustration. Here’s my agenda (which I will definitely feel free to expand upon!):
- Leave all my bathroom cabinets and dresser drawers wide open, while scattering at least three pairs of flip-flops throughout the house.
- Call Jake on his office phone, follow up on his cell, and then back to the office line, all just to ask what he’s in the mood for dinner. Important matters take precedence, even if he’s in the middle of a meeting!
- Send him a barrage of messages filled with requests for chores, topped off with a cheerful smiley face and a few x’s and o’s for good measure.
- When heading out to dinner, blast the AC during the drive to dry my hair, ensuring it curls perfectly—might need to leave 30 minutes early for maximum effect!
- Spend a good 15 minutes at the restaurant deliberating over menu choices, ultimately concocting a unique dish by merging three different items.
- Treat the hostess stand like a treasure trove, stuffing my purse with free toothpicks, matchbooks, and mints. Why? Because they’re complimentary!
- Stop by the Dollar Store for movie snacks instead of paying a premium at the theater.
- Crunch noisily on my bag of Sour Patch Kids during the film, as my Dollar Store version comes in a crinkly bag rather than a quiet box.
- Make a late-night Walmart run for about 20 items I’ve put off getting, from fans to nail files. I’ll compare prices thoroughly and present coupons at checkout, paying with all the coins weighing down my purse!
- Finally, I’ll slather Vaseline on my feet, wrap them in plastic, and put on wool socks as I sleep. Does it actually make them softer? Not really, but it’s worth a shot!
- Toss and turn all night, hogging every pillow and blanket in sight.
Sounds like a perfect day, right? Well, at least to me it does!
For more on the fascinating world of home insemination, check out this helpful resource and also visit NHS for excellent information related to pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, tomorrow is all about me reveling in my quirks and little annoyances—my birthday gift to myself.
Keyphrase: birthday annoyances
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]