We’ve all been there. “Don’t run with scissors!” you exclaim, only to slap your hand over your mouth as soon as the words escape. Congratulations, you’ve morphed into your mother.
My transformation became undeniable when I found myself advising one of my children to wear clean underwear—just in case they were involved in a sudden accident. What on earth?
Upon deeper reflection, I’ve come to understand that I embody not only my mother but also a cast of formidable women. Remember watching the movie Sybil as a kid? Sally Field portrayed a character with multiple “personalities,” each emerging at the right moment. While I don’t wish to trivialize those experiencing Multiple Personality Disorder, I can’t help but feel that a multitude of personas aids in navigating the complex world of parenting.
Many of the personalities I channel are iconic mothers from television and movies, and some aren’t even mothers at all, yet they come to my aid in times of need. It’s like pulling cards from a psychological deck!
I am my mother and…
- Martha Stewart: Whenever my kids have a school project due in mere hours, I summon Martha. With her poised guidance, I can miraculously find styrofoam balls, hot glue, and glitter from thin air to help craft a masterpiece worthy of a Nobel Prize.
- Carol Brady: Honestly, I don’t need much from her, but I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy. Carol is a stay-at-home mom of six, living in a picture-perfect home with a charming husband—and a live-in housekeeper! If only I had my own Alice to manage the chaos while I dealt with Marsha’s nose injury or Greg’s questionable habits.
- Gina Simmons: (from Modern Family) I could use her confidence and killer body! She makes the chaos of motherhood look easy, and let’s be real, who wouldn’t want that?
- Minnie: (from The Help) With a can of Crisco in hand, Minnie could do it all—fry chicken, untangle hair, and fix squeaky doors. She’s a multitasking queen!
- Roseanne Connor: When I need to speak my mind without a filter, Roseanne’s honesty comes in handy. The tough part? She always seems to arrive late, leaving me to stew over my retorts on the drive home.
- Nurse Ratched: (from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) Not a mom, but her calm demeanor amidst chaos is something I strive for. “Mr. Cheswick, please sit down. We will discuss this when you have calmed yourself,” is the kind of composure I admire.
- Shirley Partridge: I call on her when it’s time to wrangle my kids. While the psychedelic bus helps, anyone who can transport five kids to a gig on time deserves my admiration. Plus, her ability to solve problems with a song is a nice touch.
- Morticia Addams: She looks stunning in black and manages her family with an air of eccentricity that I find enchanting. Nonconformity is her strength!
- Ree Drummond: Also known as the Pioneer Woman, Ree is the epitome of effortless motherhood, charmingly juggling her life with her cowboy husband and four little ranch hands. When I channel her, I’m baking chocolate sheet cake while sipping iced coffee from a mason jar.
And oh dear, I only have nine women on my list. That’s a bit unbalanced and unsatisfying. Please, I need a tenth to complete my lineup of personalities—otherwise, my OCD might just throw a fit.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, the author humorously examines the various maternal figures she channels in her parenting journey, illustrating the blend of influences that shape her identity as a mother. From iconic characters like Martha Stewart and Carol Brady to her own mother, she shares the unique qualities each brings to her life.
Keyphrase: I am my mother
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