“Is this a choice?”
“What will others think?”
“Is this on me?”
As your child embarks on their journey of coming out, you too will face choices about how to share this aspect of their life with those around you. Several factors come into play—your comfort level and your child’s readiness to disclose their identity are key. You may find yourself contemplating who to inform, how to approach the conversation, and what reactions you might encounter from friends and family. Remember, you are not alone in this process; you will need to come out as a parent of an LGBTQ+ child as well.
Everyone shares personal information in their own way. There’s no obligation to inform every acquaintance about your child’s identity, but you are free to do so if you wish! Keep in mind that the decision to share is personal and tailored to you and your child.
Q: When is the right time to tell others?
A:
Sharing the news with family, friends, coworkers, or acquaintances varies based on when you or your child feel comfortable doing so. To help navigate this, we’ve created a handy chart:
- Your child wants to announce it, and you’re supportive.
Fantastic! This indicates your child is ready and wishes to express this significant part of themselves in their own words. The best support you can offer is to provide them with the time and space they need to communicate with others and assure them you’re there for any discussions that may arise. Encourage your child to keep you updated as they share their news. If you suspect certain individuals may have a more challenging reaction, it’s perfectly fine to discuss this with your child beforehand. - Your child prefers you to share the news.
Your child may feel secure in their identity but may lack the experience to discuss it with others. Here, your role is to clarify what they’d like you to communicate. They might only need you to initiate the conversation with a simple statement like, “Aunt Sarah, Jamie has shared with us that they identify as bisexual.” You can handle initial questions, allowing them to gain confidence in addressing follow-up inquiries. - Your child is ready, but you’re not.
If you’re still processing your child’s coming-out, it’s reasonable to ask for time to collect your thoughts before you share the information with others. It’s essential to communicate to your child that you need a moment to navigate your feelings. Consider proposing a timeline for when you might revisit the conversation, such as, “I respect your desire to tell others, but as this is new to me, I’d like some time to understand it better. Can we revisit this in a few weeks?” However, ensure this is a brief transition—keeping your child in the closet for too long can be harmful. - You want to share, but your child isn’t ready.
If your child has confided in you but is not yet comfortable letting others know about their sexual orientation, it’s crucial to respect their wishes. Coming out is a significant step, and your child needs control over their narrative. Allow them the space to figure out their feelings and check in with them after some time. - Both you and your child feel unsure about sharing.
In this case, it’s important to remember that you are under no obligation to disclose anything. This is a personal choice and should be approached sensitively. Focus on strengthening your relationship with your child and discuss the hesitations you both feel. The more open you are with each other, the easier it will be to navigate sharing this information with others in the future.
This content is adapted from This is a Guide for Caregivers of LGBTQ+ Kids by Jamie Thompson and Morgan Lee (Chronicle Books).
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Summary:
Navigating the coming-out process is a shared journey for LGBTQ+ kids and their parents. Decisions about who to inform and how can vary greatly. It’s essential to support your child while also considering your own feelings. Whether you choose to let your child take the lead, share the news yourself, or wait until you’re both ready, remember that open communication is vital. Respecting your child’s wishes and building confidence in the conversation will help strengthen your bond and make the process more manageable.
Keyphrase: LGBTQ+ parenting support
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