Waking up a tween boy for school can feel like an Olympic event. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you navigate this daunting task with a touch of humor.
- Prepare Yourself: Five minutes before you venture into his room, mentally gear up for the mission ahead.
- Coffee Time: One minute before, savor a generous gulp of your second cup of coffee to find your inner calm before facing the chaos.
- Watch Your Step: As you tiptoe, be ready to step on stray Legos, stifling a scream to avoid waking the entire neighborhood.
- Deep Breath: Inhale deeply to brace yourself.
- Enter the Room: Slowly open the door while trying to ignore the sight of the mountain of clothes you folded yesterday, now crumpled on the floor.
- Face the Smell: Gag slightly at the aroma wafting through the air, a blend of old socks, Axe body spray, and who knows what else.
- Focus on His Face: Keep your eyes on your sweet boy’s face, avoiding any awkward sights that may come with the territory of tweenhood.
- Gentle Touch: Lightly touch his arm and say, “Hey buddy, it’s time to wake up,” because “honey” is a term of endearment that’s long gone.
- Understand the Grunts: Translate his groggy, cave-man noises as best as you can.
- Try Again: Repeat the gentle wake-up call.
- Remove the Covers: Pull the blanket away, hoping for some movement.
- Mutter to Yourself: Curse under your breath, never imagining you’d be battling a sleeping child.
- Repeat: Gently remind him again to wake up.
- Set the Stakes: Warn him that he’ll miss breakfast if he doesn’t get up.
- Reality Check: He’s likely indifferent about breakfast.
- Final Push: Firmly tell him to get moving; you can’t keep returning to his room.
- Kitchen Duties: Head back to the kitchen and start unloading the dishwasher, only to realize he’s still asleep.
- Repeat Steps: Go through steps one through nine again.
- The 33rd Inquiry: Answer his question about why he “has to go” for the umpteenth time this year.
- Breakfast Urgency: Inform him that he’ll miss breakfast if he doesn’t rise.
- Slow Progress: Watch him finally begin to move.
- Smile: Feel a sense of accomplishment as you leave the room.
- Fifteen Minutes Later: After a quarter-hour of silence, repeat the first four steps.
- Nauseating Realization: Brace yourself for the familiar odor upon re-entering.
- The Closet Stare: Find him motionless, staring at his closet as if it holds the secrets of the universe.
- Desperate Plea: Beg him to just pick some clothes. You know he won’t match anyway.
- Nostalgic Thoughts: Remember fond days filled with matching outfits.
- Return to Reality: Snap back to the sight of wrinkled clothes and half-brushed teeth.
- Final Warning: Give him one last nudge to get ready.
- Acceptance Time: Leave the room, knowing you’ll send him off no matter how he looks.
- Breakfast Preparations: Start making his breakfast.
- Quiet Calls: Whisper for him, trying not to wake his younger sibling.
- Patience Required: Repeat that call several times.
- Persistence Pays Off: Finally, he emerges into the kitchen.
- Table Manners Reminder: Ask him multiple times to sit down and use his fork.
- Outfit Suggestion: Suggest he might want to wear something that doesn’t look like it’s been in a sandwich bag.
- Cheerleader Stories: Listen as he shares tales of the 8th-grade cheerleaders who “keep hugging him.”
- Inner Thoughts: Mentally curse those girls and their mothers for encouraging such behavior.
- Messy Eater: Get the broom, realizing he makes a mess just like when he was in a booster seat.
- Dental Reminder: Don’t forget to remind him about brushing his teeth.
- Backpack Check: Pack his books, puzzled by the rocks he’s stashed inside, yes, actual rocks.
- Toothbrush Inquiry: Ask him if he remembered to brush his teeth.
- Juice Cleanup: Put the lid on the juice he left out and wipe up the spill.
- Teeth Check Again: Confirm whether he brushed his teeth yet again.
- Study Guide Quiz: Quiz him on two study guide questions he got wrong.
- Dental Hygiene Lecture: Briefly lecture him on the importance of dental hygiene and direct him towards the door.
- Final Reminders: Tell him three more times to head to the door and what he needs to take with him.
- Helping Hand: Grab a couple of items he forgot and head to the door with him.
- Bright Side: Remember, he still needs you for something.
- Proud Moment: Pat yourself on the back; he’s finally out the door and off to school!
For more insights on parenting, check out our other posts like this one about home insemination, or learn more about what to expect during your first IUI.
Summary
Waking a tween boy for school can be a humorous and exhausting task. With a mix of patience, persistence, and a dash of optimism, you can successfully guide him from the depths of sleep to the breakfast table, ready (or not) for another day of school.
Keyphrase: Waking a Tween Boy for School
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