I’ve never subscribed to the “cry it out” method when it comes to parenting. It simply doesn’t align with my values or the way I connect with my children. While I know parents who swear by this technique, it’s not something my family embraces.
So, what alternatives are out there when “cry it out” isn’t an option? It’s a topic that doesn’t get much airtime. I remember watching Mad About You during my college years, where Paul and Jamie sat by their baby’s bedroom door as she cried relentlessly. Jamie was desperate to comfort her daughter, and yet they just huddled in the hallway together. Back then, I thought it was absurd. Why wouldn’t she just go in and soothe her child? What could possibly be the downside to that?
At 22, I had no idea what parenting would entail, but I was certain that letting my child cry alone was something I could never do.
In my home, sleep doesn’t come easy. My kids typically don’t sleep through the night until they’re around 2 years old. On some nights, we end up with one or even all four of them snuggled in bed with us. Yes, there are sleepless nights, but there are also occasions where everyone except the baby sleeps soundly through the night.
My little ones stay with me until they reach 15-18 months, at which point we begin the night-weaning process and transition them to a shared room with a sibling. Our routine involves nursing the baby or toddler to sleep, after which Dad takes over. He sits with them until they drift off, which can take hours at first. Over time, he gradually distances himself until he can simply walk in, sing a lullaby, plant a kiss, and leave. This gentle approach can take up to two months, but it works for us.
When people ask why I avoid the “cry it out” method, my answer is straightforward: I don’t believe it’s beneficial for children. Trust is built within those crucial early years. By leaving a child alone in a dark room to “self-soothe,” we risk teaching them distrust. Imagine if someone confined you to a room, ignoring your distress for hours on end—what would that do to your sense of security?
When I was pregnant with my second child, I stumbled upon an article titled “Crying for Comfort” by Althea Soltera in Mothering Magazine. It stated, “…there is no doubt that repeated lack of responsiveness to a baby’s cries—even for only five minutes at a time—is potentially damaging to the baby’s mental health.” The article emphasized that this approach can undermine the foundation of secure attachment, which is built on timely and sensitive responses.
Moreover, there’s a reason it’s challenging for mothers to hear their babies cry: it’s instinctual. Our primal instincts urge us to protect our young and stay close to them.
I also believe that parenting doesn’t stop when the sun goes down; it’s a 24/7 commitment. I often hear that a tired mama can lead to a miserable household, which is true to some extent. However, being there for my children is paramount. I know that there will come a time in the future when I can enjoy uninterrupted sleep. But for now, I accepted that sleepless nights are part of the gig.
I won’t lie—I’ve been tempted to let my babies cry it out. There are moments when exhaustion hits hard, and I long for one of those mythical babies who sleeps through the night by 6 months. However, I recognize the cost of that method, and it’s a price I’m unwilling to pay.
So, I choose not to let my babies cry it out or endure unnecessary tears. Sure, I may have dark circles under my eyes for the next couple of years, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a sacrifice that I believe will pay off.
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Summary:
Navigating sleep struggles can be daunting for parents. While some opt for the “cry it out” method, many, like Jamie, choose a gentler approach that fosters trust and connection with their children. By prioritizing responsiveness and nighttime parenting, they create a nurturing environment, even if it means sacrificing sleep in the short term. This thoughtful perspective underscores the importance of emotional support in early childhood development.
Keyphrase: “gentle sleep parenting”
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