As I snuggle in bed with my three youngest children, we gather around the iPad. My spouse is currently airborne, journeying from Northern Virginia to visit his brother in California. It’s quite a departure for him, as he’s a teacher and rarely travels for work, making this four-night absence a significant event in our household. I pull up the map of the United States to show the kids just how far he’s going. Their delighted gasps echo in the room as they discover that it’s a five-hour flight or nearly 39 hours of driving to reach their destination.
Next, I switch to the world map, illustrating how small the United States appears in the grand scheme of things. Although we’ve explored maps before, their enthusiasm feels fresh and new. I point to London, home to their Uncle.
“Wow, that’s super far,” exclaims my eight-year-old son, Jake.
Then, my soon-to-be six-year-old daughter, Lily, asks, “So, where is Grandpa on here?” My heart sinks, and I take a deep breath. It’s been four months and 14 days since we said goodbye to their Grandpa, my father.
“Grandpa is in heaven,” I respond, trying to sound assured. I brace for her next question, one I feel unprepared for. I believed we had covered everything—the age-appropriate books, the tears, the photos, even their involvement in the memorial service. I thought she understood. But how can a six-year-old grasp a concept I still struggle with?
“I mean, where is heaven on the map?” she persists.
Interestingly, Jake, who usually has a quick answer, is silent. They both seek clarity on the whereabouts of their beloved Grandpa.
“Well, sweetie, heaven isn’t a location you can pinpoint on a map,” I explain. “No one knows for sure what it’s like. But many believe it’s a beautiful place where your spirit continues to live and you’re reunited with loved ones.”
They nod solemnly, absorbing my words. Just then, my three-year-old, Mia, leaps onto the iPad, demanding to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Thank goodness for those tricky toddler moments!
The conversation comes to a halt, and I grant them ten more minutes of playtime before bed. They dash off to their rooms while I linger, staring at the map. I find myself wishing there were an app to locate our loved ones one last time. Imagine an app that could explain to our children the essence of saying goodbye and navigating through loss.
Parenting during grief is a unique challenge. It’s tempting to pretend my kids are unaffected and have moved on. Perhaps that’s why I haven’t brought up Grandpa in a while. The shock of them asking about heaven instead of a fun place like Disney World struck me hard. While I did my best with the question, deep down I wished I could simply find heaven on a map—just to see if my loved ones are there, peaceful and waiting.
If only I had the skill to write “Five Ways to Comfort Your Children After Losing a Grandparent” or create a “Guide to Parenting Through Grief.” The truth is, I don’t have all the answers, and I doubt anyone really does. We simply do the best we can—like in all our parenting adventures.
Moving forward, I’ll make a conscious effort to acknowledge my children’s feelings and keep Grandpa’s memory alive. I choose to believe that even if I can’t find heaven on a map, we will eventually find it together, for their sake and my own.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, a mother shares the challenges of parenting while grieving the loss of her father, or Grandpa, as her children ask poignant questions about heaven. The piece explores the difficulty of addressing grief with young children, emphasizing the importance of keeping memories alive while acknowledging their feelings. The mother expresses a desire for tools to help navigate these tough conversations and ultimately chooses to believe in the possibility of finding heaven one day.
Keyphrase: “finding heaven on the map”
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