Remember that classic public service announcement from the 1970s asking, “It’s 10 p.m., do you know where your children are?” I think it’s high time we bring this phrase back—updated to inquire whether we know where our children’s devices are.
Last week, I had to take my 12-year-old daughter’s iPhone after catching her using it well past her bedtime, a rule we strictly enforce at home. I get the temptation; even I find myself playing games late into the night when sleep eludes me! However, what struck me during this incident was her frantic effort to shut her phone down completely before handing it over to me.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remembered how I would panic if anyone entered my room while I was hiding my diary. Instantly, I feared my daughter was concealing something serious. Was it an unnecessary purchase on Amazon that I would disapprove of? Or maybe she had gone over her limit for phone calls? These scenarios seemed more likely for a straight-A student who’s always polite and has friends I trust.
After insisting she provide her password, I unlocked a shocking and unsettling reality that would make even adult film stars blush, if they had a preteen daughter.
Among the texts were messages from her friends detailing which boys had danced with them at the last school dance. Even more alarming were group texts containing a vulgar game of “F***, Marry, Kill,” where eighth-grade boys rated all the girls in my daughter’s circle based on their preferences. Each girl, including Chloe, Sydney, and Alyssa, eagerly discussed being rated favorably and even offered to “hook-up” with the boys who nominated them. Seriously? At just 12 years old?
Even more concerning was an app my daughter had secretly downloaded called Ask.fm, which requires users to be at least 13. This platform allows people to send anonymous comments and questions, and it’s increasingly linked to bullying and has even been involved in teen suicide cases. Yet on my daughter’s phone, it had morphed into a space for explicit sexual inquiries.
Requests for “PAP of your…(fill in the blank) cleavage, favorite thong, breasts, genitals, your entire nude body, etc.” were alarmingly common, and let me tell you, the actual language was far more graphic than I can share here. I even had to create a list of acronyms and consult the urban dictionary just to decipher what I was reading!
To my utter disbelief, I found posts where middle school boys ranked seventh-grade girls according to their perceived sexual performance. Remember, we’re talking about 12-year-olds! When I was that age, boys were busy making charts about who had the biggest cooties.
After confronting my daughter with irrefutable evidence (screenshots!), her response was chilling: she claimed I was overreacting and that “all her friends were doing this.” The anonymity of such apps allows young people to act without accountability, stripping away any sense of responsibility for their actions.
When I explained that I intended to inform the parents of the tweens involved, my daughter panicked, worried about being branded a snitch and facing bullying in return. After some thought, I realized that the very anonymity that is problematic could actually work in our favor.
So, I took action. I located a school directory and sent out an anonymous email to all the parents, summarizing what I had discovered and suggesting they conduct random phone checks.
Only time will tell if this approach will be effective, but I can say that if I were an unaware parent, I would appreciate receiving such information, whether it was anonymous or not.
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In summary, the discovery of my daughter’s inappropriate cell phone content opened my eyes to the challenges of modern parenting. It’s essential to stay vigilant and proactive in addressing these issues before they escalate.
Keyphrase: preteen cell phone behavior
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