Recently, I received a concerned message from someone I only know online. The subject line read, “I think I’m a terrible mother.” Intrigued, I opened it immediately.
The email expressed thoughts like these: “I adore my kids, but sometimes I just don’t like them. I feel miserable. My partner and I hardly have any intimacy. I strive to teach my children right from wrong; they behave decently in public, but at home, they’re wild. They have no manners and tell me, ‘You’re the worst mom ever.’ I’ve tried everything—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it—and nothing seems to work. I feel like a failure. My kids deserve a better mother, and my husband deserves a better wife. I fear I’ve ruined my kids for life.”
Oh wow. That’s it?
If facing those challenges makes you an unfit mom, then we’re all unfit! Every single one of us!
I can’t be the only mom who’s exclaimed, “You wouldn’t dare talk to your teacher that way! I’m your mother! I care for you! You can’t speak to me like that! You know better!” I remember countless parent-teacher conferences where I’d praise a child, only to hear parents say, “Well, you should see them at home!” or “Are we discussing the same child?”
We all want the same outcomes. We want our kids to grow up to be kind, responsible, compassionate individuals. We want them to be respectful and productive members of society. When they embody those qualities, parenting becomes more enjoyable, and we feel like we’ve done our jobs well.
As parents, we take pride in what we create. Whether it’s a child’s drawing or a work project, when you invest effort and it turns out well, it’s natural to want to share it. The most significant creation, however, is undoubtedly our children—especially for mothers, as we carried them within us. They come into the world perfect: innocent and beautiful. But then, reality kicks in. The real challenge is not just bringing them into this world; it’s about raising them.
Once they are outside, the real work begins. Shaping your child is a tough and exhausting process. Even when you think you’re guiding them correctly, sometimes things don’t go as planned. The longer you reinforce the wrong behaviors, the longer it takes to correct them.
I often post snapshots of my kids doing well on social media—cooking, reading, or being cooperative. Why? Because it feels rewarding to see them embody the lessons we teach. It’s like a 3-year-old proudly showing off their crayon drawing, eager for approval.
Yet, those moments of success are often just a fraction of our reality. The other 90%? It’s rarely picture-perfect. For many of us, half the time isn’t just imperfect—it can be downright frustrating. Your kids may push every button you have, often testing your patience.
During those challenging moments, you might be aware that you should not let them binge-watch TV for hours on a weekday, or that goldfish crackers and fruit snacks don’t qualify as dinner. You know you should be more diligent about their bedtime routines, but some nights, you simply lack the energy. And you’re not alone in this struggle.
On a recent family vacation, chaos erupted as we tried to leave our condo for the beach. Meltdowns ensued: one child had sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his basketball, and yet another was refusing to go at all. Two kids ended up in a fight, while the youngest got her finger caught in the door. It was utter chaos. I can only imagine how many neighbors considered calling for help. This was far from a picture-perfect moment, but it was our reality.
My kids understand the difference between right and wrong. They know hitting isn’t acceptable. Sometimes, they follow the rules, and I feel like I’m doing everything right. Other times, especially in moments like that vacation fiasco, I question my abilities as a mom. Unfortunately, those instances occur more often than I would like.
Kids, by nature, test boundaries. They push limits to see what they can get away with. In those tumultuous times, it’s essential to just hang on and ride out the storm, knowing that calmer days will come. At some point, you’ll regain your energy and patience, allowing you to try new strategies. This might take a day or even longer.
Remember, your children are not irreparably damaged, and you are not an unfit mother. The goal of parenting isn’t perfection. It’s not about creating Instagram-worthy moments or baking Pinterest cookies. Sometimes, the primary objective is simply to keep everyone safe and alive. And that reality doesn’t make you unfit—it makes you perfectly normal.
For those seeking further guidance on parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination: WomensHealth.gov. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination kits, visit MakeAMom.com for more information.
In summary, every parent faces struggles and challenges that can make them feel inadequate. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Embrace the chaos and recognize that you are doing the best you can as a mother.
Keyphrase: unfit mother
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