Updated: Oct. 7, 2017
Originally Published: Aug. 2, 2008
Aging—nobody really prepared me for it. Sure, some signs are expected: the fine lines creeping around my eyes and the deepening furrows on my forehead. I have the photos to back it up. Year after year, I found myself leaning closer to the mirror, observing the slow but steady transformation. Oil of Olay has been warning us since the ’70s that our faces will change, offering a $5 bottle of pink lotion as a supposed remedy.
But the C-section scar that increasingly resembles a frown, the sagging skin that seems to hang over my lower half? That took me by surprise. I certainly didn’t cherish the original incision or my knees, which no one ever photographs when they’re youthful and firm. I recently stumbled upon a picture of me crossing a finish line fifteen years ago. No wrinkles, no sagging. It hit me—my knees didn’t always resemble crumpled fabric tossed aside.
So many parts of my body are now under scrutiny. What did my midsection look like during downward dog before it turned into this droopy bloodhound? I would have sworn my belly never had jowls at 20. Ah, but back then, I was too busy lamenting my stomach, which I thought looked like a ripe peach. I probably dismissed collagen as some old folks’ soap. But here I am, realizing that the pearls of youth slipped away on my 42nd birthday, scattering to hide under the bed or nightstand—lost forever.
And it’s not that I’m not trying to fend off the relentless advance of time. I do Pilates and run, though now I don’t run as far due to tendonitis and plantar fasciitis, which, according to WebMD, is a condition for older, heavier individuals. I love heavier folks, but if I’m suffering from osteopenia despite having weighed under 120 pounds for most of my life, I’d like a do-over, please.
I don’t wish to return to that younger version of myself—the girl who despised her peach-shaped stomach, the twenty-something who struggled with confidence, the woman who would have given anything to conceive. They feel like distant relatives I’d rather avoid at Thanksgiving. I can see the connection, but we’re not exactly friends.
But this new version of me? The wiser, stronger, more empowered me? I just wish I could hold onto her without those pesky little pieces drooping and sagging off to be stored away for my next visit to the mechanic.
Just yesterday, I had my annual mammogram. The nurse, bless her heart, squeezed my somewhat saggy breasts between two plates of glass, tightening the vice even further. Clearly oblivious to my white-knuckled grip and the sweat trickling down my back, she asked, “Are you okay?”
In that moment, I realized these breasts could very well be the next thing to abandon ship, yet I thought, I’d figure it out. The worn-out feet, brittle bones, and mysteriously elevated cholesterol (thanks, genetics), all the wear and tear that accumulate on this body that began as a perfect baby but has lost its shine over time. It’s just part of aging, I suppose.
As we navigate life—changing others’ lives, winning races, nurturing children, and loving partners—we create art or bake Pinterest-worthy birthday cakes. We accomplish things we never dreamed possible. So, it’s only natural that as our souls expand and shine brighter each year, the vessels holding them may become more dented and scarred. It reminds me of the old saying about finding love. (Thanks for the wisdom, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.)
“If you can’t be with the one you love, darling, love the one you’re with.”
I’m only halfway through this journey of life, I hope. There will be countless more challenges and setbacks ahead, provided I take care of myself and am fortunate.
So perhaps it’s time to embrace the body I have, to appreciate these strong arms, Bingo wings included, the sagging breasts that still exist, and the slightly dimpled thighs that can still run a little. I may not look like much, but she’s all mine.
“Are you okay?” the nurse asked again.
“Sure,” I replied, through clenched lips. “I’m okay.”
If you appreciated this piece, check out our other insightful articles on topics like home insemination and pregnancy. For instance, you can explore how to navigate the journey of parenthood with resources such as this one and our handy home insemination kit for those looking to conceive.
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Summary:
Aging is an inevitable part of life that often goes unspoken. As we navigate through the years, our bodies change, and we may find ourselves grappling with the physical signs of aging. Yet, embracing the present self—with all its imperfections—can lead to a deeper appreciation for who we are. Ultimately, it’s about cherishing the journey and the incredible things we accomplish along the way.
Keyphrase: Embrace the body you’re in
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