“Wow, they’ve really grown!” My partner, Jake, seemed genuinely surprised, though it wasn’t like they had sprouted overnight. His expression was a mix of disbelief and confusion as he looked to me for an explanation.
“I can’t even pinpoint when it happened,” he said, bewildered.
“Oh, I can,” I replied.
Like many significant life changes, their growth had been a gradual process over several years—one neither of us wanted to acknowledge. I had seen it coming sooner than he did. It always felt a bit off for me, right from the start. These days, when the house is quiet, and we tackle mundane chores like laundry, we often find ourselves reminiscing about the days of our little ones. What was evident to me over the years seemed to hit him all at once.
“I used to hold them in one hand; they were so tiny,” he reminisced, his voice tinged with nostalgia. “Can they really be gone forever?”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” I replied.
“Well, I miss them,” he said, his expression wounded, as if my words had cut deep.
“I’m sorry, but when they were that small, they were honestly a handful,” I admitted.
It was true! At some point, we had to be honest about our experiences. While some women seem to embrace motherhood effortlessly, for me, it was a constant struggle. Every day and night with little ones was overwhelming. I could finally confess this to him.
“How can you say that? They were adorable!” he shot back.
“Maybe to you, but they were on me constantly!”
“I know you feel differently, but I miss that time,” he replied, gazing off into the distance.
“I’m sure you do, but they always woke me up at odd hours. Ugh,” I rolled my eyes.
“They woke me up too.” He smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
“Do we really need them around to be happy? Was that what kept us together?” I asked.
“No, don’t be silly. They just added so much excitement to our lives back then.”
“Maybe for you… I can hardly remember when they were that small; it’s all a blur.”
“I can recall everything,” he said, almost defiantly.
“Well, do you recall how expensive they were?” I shot back.
“Like it’s not a burden now?” he countered, raising an eyebrow.
We shared a silent moment, locked in each other’s gaze. He wanted me to feel the same way he did, but I wavered.
“We could start over,” he said, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “How about a whole new batch?”
I stopped hesitating.
“Absolutely not!” I exclaimed. “Have you seen these stretch marks?” I sighed. “Those days are long gone. And to be totally honest, I never even wanted our last two. It was just a moment of weakness to make you happy — when I look at them, I feel nothing but regret!”
“You take that back!” he protested.
“I wish I could take them back!”
He sat there, expressionless, a mix of confusion and defeat painting his face. Was he really shocked by my honesty?
I patted his shoulder, trying to soften my tone. “We can’t dwell on the past. We have to cherish the good times that were.”
“Well, I do have pictures,” he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice.
“Oh, good grief — are you crying? Again?”
“No, but when I look at them now, it makes me want to cry,” he admitted.
I took his hands, hoping to bridge the gap between us. “I know it’s a huge adjustment for both of us, but I feel happier now, can’t you see?”
“Huge,” he echoed, still looking distant.
“Yes, I know, but it was time to move on.”
He stared at the laundry, seemingly lost in thought. It felt like talking to a wall.
“Anyway, I’m over 40 now,” I reminded him.
“So what?! I’ve seen women way older—”
I interrupted him. “As a man, you may never understand my feelings right now — I’m done! You weren’t the one handling tiny humans for years. Now, it’s different, but better. They hug me now instead of just clinging to me all day. I finally feel comfortable. I know you aren’t, but I’m not sorry for being able to breathe again. I feel… free!”
I choked back tears.
He tried to smile, but I could see he didn’t quite grasp it. “You’ve always had that freedom. I need your support, not your judgment.” He nodded, resigned.
As he rummaged through the laundry basket, he held up my oversized, beige granny panties with both hands. Wiping a tear with them, he sighed. “I guess they really are only little once.”