You might think I’m a bit old-school. I still rely on a good old-fashioned calendar—the kind you jot down notes on with a pen. When online dating platforms like eHarmony and Match emerged, I was in my mid-20s, and all my single friends were signing up, albeit quietly. After witnessing a few successful online matches turn into weddings, I was convinced to try it myself.
One Sunday, I spent the afternoon crafting my online profile with another single friend. I tackled multiple choice questions and essays about my personality, my values, and what I sought in a partner. I even created a new email account specifically for dating and dove right into the experience, believing I’d soon find “the one.”
However, the initial excitement began to fizzle out as I reached out to various matches, only to be met with silence. It wasn’t until Gabe initiated the first round of questions that my hopes soared again. I liked his profile, and it seemed he liked mine too. With my friends’ input, I carefully answered his questions.
Things progressed quickly, and I found myself developing strong feelings for Gabe. We exchanged daily emails until one fateful weekend when I received devastating news about my father’s late-stage cancer diagnosis. I shared this with Gabe in an email, mentioning how complicated my relationship with him had been.
Suddenly, the communication came to a halt. I reread my email obsessively, searching for clues about what went wrong. I even had friends review it, struggling to grasp why he vanished. Eventually, I reached out to ask if he was okay. After what felt like an eternity, he replied with a terse message: “I don’t date girls who have complicated issues.” That was it. He disappeared from my life entirely.
Heartbroken and shaken, I decided to quit online dating. In the following years, I went on a few dates and even rekindled a romance with an old college friend. But as I approached my early 30s, a close friend encouraged me to try again. She was on a mission to find a man with an accent and had discovered a new international dating site. Hesitantly, I agreed.
Fast forward a decade, and there I was again—spending another Sunday afternoon crafting the ideal profile, answering questions meticulously, and sifting through photos for the perfect shot. My friend’s inbox quickly filled with messages from potential suitors, while mine was inundated with men who seemed more interested in my citizenship or described wanting a submissive partner. I reached out to men whose profiles seemed promising, but once more, my efforts were met with silence. As my friend began dating someone she met online, I chose to disable my account.
After relocating twice in seven years—first to D.C. and then to Denver—I tried various online dating platforms, wondering how else one might meet someone. Yet, after several disappointing dates or lack of responses, I always ended up disabling my account again.
At 38, I finally came to a realization: online dating just isn’t for me. Sure, it has worked wonders for many, leading to countless weddings I’ve attended, but it never felt right for me. I dislike the fact that profiles can be misleading and don’t always reflect the real person behind the screen. Crafting answers with my friends often felt disingenuous, and I felt like I was shopping for a date rather than forming a genuine connection. Ghosting has become far too easy in this digital world.
After 13 years and signing up for seven different dating sites, I’ve made the decision to walk away. While it seems like everyone around me is finding their perfect match online, I’ve chosen to embrace my single life instead. Since logging off, I’ve never felt happier. I’ve stopped fixating on when I might meet someone new. I’m focusing on the present, engaging in activities I love, like hiking and writing, and spending quality time with the people who matter most in my life.
Now that I’m no longer glued to a dating app, I find myself smiling more at strangers, and you never know where a simple smile might lead. This newfound freedom has allowed me to live in the moment, enjoying life as it comes.
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In summary, I’ve stepped away from the world of online dating and found joy in my single life. By focusing on activities I love and nurturing my relationships with friends and family, I’ve embraced the present and discovered a deeper happiness.
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