Let’s be real: a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes at your local coffee shop may not hold a candle to a natural disaster, but it can still make your morning feel less than stellar. First World Problems—like finding out the Tory Burch bags on clearance at Macy’s are sold out or having your Wi-Fi go down during a crucial concert ticket drop—typically warrant no more than a couple of sad-face emojis. But as someone who grew up in the ’80s, I can’t help but feel a unique set of frustrations that might leave others scratching their heads.
Here are 18 First World Problems that are emblematic of life for kids raised in the ’80s:
- Late-night TV surfing only to find the unedited version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High with an hour left, while knowing you have to wake up at 5 a.m. for work.
- Coming to terms with the fact that your partner still won’t play Johnny to your Baby for that iconic lift in Dirty Dancing, no matter how many times you weigh in.
- Asking your kids to record a show for you, only to realize they have no clue what “record” or “tape” means. You just sigh and say, “Forget it.”
- Uncovering a disposable camera in an old box and knowing you’ll never see those photos because no one processes film anymore.
- Staring at the revamped versions of childhood toys in the toy aisle and questioning why anyone would want to change the classic look of My Little Ponies.
- Feeling a twinge of anger when you hear Nirvana on the ’80s XM station, knowing it rightfully belongs on ’90s on 9.
- When someone admits they’ve never seen the epic music video for Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” or complains that “November Rain” is too long—seriously, how do they not know?
- Imagining a glamorous life with your childhood crush, Rob Lowe, only to find yourself in sweatpants, buying tampons while juggling a few kids. (Seriously, how does he not age?)
- Lawn darts being banned means your kids will never experience the thrill of playing dangerously.
- The once-beloved local skating rink has turned into a rundown joint, making it impossible to relive your glory days of backward skating.
- No one sells Electric Youth perfume anymore… and most people don’t even know who Debbie Gibson is.
- You can’t create mixtapes from XM Radio anymore, which is a major bummer.
- Recognizing just how much more you could pack for family road trips if your kids could sit in the way back like you used to in your mom’s station wagon.
- Discovering your beloved Caboodles has broken, and all the new ones are flimsy imitations.
- Hearing “Footloose” in a grocery store makes it impossible to focus on shopping until you bust a move in the produce aisle.
- You find yourself having awkward conversations about sensitive topics with your kids, a far cry from the straightforward afterschool specials you grew up with. Thanks a lot, ABC.
- While browsing the wine aisle, you daydream about how great it would be if wine labels were scratch-and-sniff stickers.
- Waking up in the middle of the night craving Pizzarias Chips or Jell-O Pudding Pops is utterly frustrating.
It’s like you want to chill where everyone knows your name, but no one around you even remembers Cheers. So how do you cope with these classic ’80s-style First World Problems? Find solace in reruns of the greatest shows from your youth on streaming platforms, and don’t forget to embrace the best parts of your past. While the fashions of the ’80s may be making a comeback, let wisdom and old photos guide you away from a second round of neon jumpsuits. These young folks on social media just don’t know better, but we do. Like, totally.
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In summary, the challenges of growing up in the ’80s have their own flavor of First World Problems. From nostalgic toy dilemmas to the absence of certain cultural references, these experiences shape a unique perspective that only those who lived it can truly appreciate.
Keyphrase: First World Problems of ’80s Kids
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