By: Lisa Harper
Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 12, 2005
This is the third piece in a year-long series where a stay-at-home mom reflects on her youngest daughter’s senior year of high school and the journey through college admissions. Alongside, she navigates her own transition towards an empty nest and contemplates her next steps as her stay-at-home role comes to an end. Catch up on the first two installments if you’d like.
Three years ago, as my younger daughter was gearing up for high school, a friend was preparing to send her youngest off to college. “What’s that like?” I found myself asking repeatedly, a mix of envy, anxiety, and hope swirling within me. I simply couldn’t picture a time when my youngest would leave for college; she was just 14, just beginning high school, and I was still reeling from the challenges of my older daughter’s tumultuous high school years. Despite the fact that my oldest was heading to college simultaneously, I feared I’d be trapped in a time loop with my youngest, as though senior year would never arrive.
“It’s hard to believe,” my friend replied. “And it’s going to feel strange.” For the first time in 21 years, she and her husband would have their home to themselves, as all three of their kids would be off in college.
In my emails, I started signing off with my name and the countdown of years and months until my younger daughter headed to college. “Three years, 18 months,” I remember typing once. Then it shifted to “two years, 11 months.” I wasn’t wishing the time away, yet I was, in a way. High school felt like a battleground that we had to navigate. By counting down, I was reminding myself that eventually, she would leave.
Yesterday, as I baked her favorite cookies—red velvet, to be precise—I realized my days of baking for her are limited. What will it feel like when I’m no longer mixing up her cookie dough a couple of times a week or making her beloved double-chocolate breakfast muffins?
Sure, I can still send care packages filled with cookies and muffins once she’s at college. I can already envision boxes packed with treats, the address scrawled in bold black ink, racing to the post office to ensure they arrive fresh. She’ll share them with her roommate and friends, regaling them with tales of how her mom has always baked for her, and she’ll be the popular one thanks to my baked goods. But it won’t ever be quite the same.
This year of her senior high school is teaching me that change is inevitable. I thrive on routine. I prefer knowing the restaurant menu and the streets I’ll take. The uncertainty of her senior year is shaking the very foundation of my comfort zone.
She’s applying to ten colleges—a balanced mix of dream schools and safety nets—and she insists that she would be happy with any of them. That’s the important part: happiness.
So, next year, I may find myself sending cookies across the country or just a state away. Or maybe she’ll be close enough for me to deliver cookies in person. The not knowing is what unnerves me. Yet, this uncertainty is part of the senior year experience—for both the student and the parents.
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In summary, as my daughter approaches her graduation and college applications, I’m reflecting on the bittersweetness of change, the joy of baking, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. My cookie-baking days may be numbered, but the memories will last a lifetime.
Keyphrase: “baking for college kids”
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