It was a chilly winter morning in January 1993 when my phone rang, breaking the silence of my dreams. At precisely 8 AM, the boy I had envisioned being with forever was on the line. My heart raced: did he wake up thinking of me? Was he about to profess his love again?
“I think we need to take a break,” he said plainly. Those exact words echoed in my mind as the shock settled in. After an awkward exchange, I hung up, grabbed my diary, and immortalized his words on the page. Then, the tears flowed. I was devastated, unable to eat, and even sickened by the weight of my emotions. At just 14, I was experiencing my first real heartbreak.
That winter, I found solace in the refuge of my room. I poured my heart into my diary, vented to friends over the phone, and turned to music for comfort. In hindsight, it was the melodies of talented female singer-songwriters that truly saved me. Their lyrics mirrored my anguish and inspired me to write poetry—somewhat rough at the time, but it marked the start of my journey as a writer.
Among the powerful voices of the early ‘90s, four women resonated with me deeply: Tori, Sarah, Sophie, and Sinéad. Each of them transported me back to that pivotal time in my life, where the smell of Nag Champa incense mingled with the purple scrunchie that clung to my wrist as I scribbled my thoughts.
Tori Amos
First, there was Tori Amos. Her album, Little Earthquakes, was the soundtrack to my heartbreak. Each song hit hard, especially “Tear In Your Hand,” woven with anger and vulnerability. The line, “I don’t believe you’re leaving / ‘Cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream,” still sends shivers down my spine.
Sarah McLachlan
Then came Sarah McLachlan. Although she wasn’t a household name yet, I discovered her album Solace and found myself captivated by her haunting voice and poignant lyrics. I would listen on repeat, sobbing into my knees, feeling utterly understood.
Sophie B. Hawkins
Next was Sophie B. Hawkins. Her hit “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” felt like it was written just for me. With its perfect mix of longing and catchy beats, I would dance alone in my room, feeling a connection to the words and the music.
Sinéad O’Connor
And finally, the enigmatic Sinéad O’Connor. Her rendition of “Nothing Compares 2 U” was the epitome of heartbreak. With her striking appearance and raw emotion, Sinéad expressed the depths of sorrow I felt but couldn’t articulate. Inspired, I attempted to write my own version, which I hope to keep buried forever.
These songs were a lifeline during a time when teenage emotions felt overwhelming and isolating. I didn’t have the courage to share my pain with friends or family; it felt too vulnerable. But these artists voiced my feelings, granting me permission to grieve and express my heartache.
Although I clung to the hope for a happy ending, I didn’t expect one. The songs didn’t promise a return to love. Yet, by that fall, my ex was back in my life, realizing the depth of what we had. A mere year later, we were both older—15—and ready to embrace the intensity of our young love.
Looking back, I’m grateful for that painful experience. It forced me to confront my emotions and led me to powerful female voices that shaped my writing journey. With one breakup under my belt, I felt more human. That boy and I never parted again, and this year marks 22 years since we rekindled our relationship. Next month, we will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary.
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In summary, the music of the ‘90s not only helped me navigate my first heartbreak but also laid the groundwork for my passion for writing. Those powerful female artists provided a soundtrack to a pivotal moment in my life, reminding me that even in sorrow, I was never truly alone.
Keyphrase: Soundtrack to a ‘90s High School Breakup
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