Looking back on the past can be a wild ride of nostalgia, often accompanied by a touch of revisionist history. That unfortunate perm you rocked before senior pictures? Just a sign of the era’s obsession with voluminous hair. The deep quote you thought made you profound? Well, that was just teenage confusion—“Irony!” you shout, as if it makes sense now.
As we age, we sometimes indulge in a little unearned coolness, but there are certain things you can’t just brush aside. Sure, I was all about Nirvana and Alice in Chains, but I also attended more than one Poison concert and hung out just to catch a glimpse of the guys from Big Fun as they boarded their tour bus. We all have those cringe-inducing musical skeletons lurking in our closets, hiding behind an old ESPRIT jacket and a poster of “Spuds MacKenzie: Party Professor.”
So, let’s embrace the awkwardness! Here are five undeniably uncool songs from the past that I just can’t let go of:
1. ‘Sister Christian’ by Night Ranger
Let’s be real: this track was never cool. It topped the charts in Canada, sure, and Night Ranger has some credible musicians, but that won’t change the fact that this song is a guilty pleasure. I’ll still blast it at the Taco Bell drive-thru while belting out the lyrics—“What’s my price for flight?” Well, my dignity is clearly up for grabs!
2. ‘How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?’ by Michael Bolton
Who can resist the late ’80s charm of Bolton? The hair, the powerful vocals, and his brief stint opening for Ozzy Osbourne solidified his iconic status. Despite being notorious for his uncoolness, there’s something irresistibly heartfelt about this emotional ballad. I might not be able to take him seriously, but when it comes to this tear-jerking tune, I’m all in.
3. ‘Conga’ by Miami Sound Machine
Before she became synonymous with Latin pop, Gloria Estefan and her husband Emilio were all about bringing island vibes to the mainstream. Outwardly, I raged against this track’s ubiquity, but inside, I was dancing around my house and grocery store like nobody was watching. Now, it’s a mix of nostalgia and yearning, and I’ve long since accepted Gloria’s advice: just don’t fight it.
4. ‘God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll to You II’ by Kiss
This song is a classic example of a guilty pleasure. Sure, loving “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” gave me cred, but admitting I adored its sequel, “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey,”? Not so much. This Kiss cover, along with its over-the-top style, remains a triumphant anthem in my heart. Whether or not God placed rock and roll in our souls, I’ll take Paul Stanley’s word on it.
5. ‘Friends in Low Places’ by Garth Brooks
Is Garth Brooks cool? Depends on who you ask. If you’re into emo or metal, probably not. Yet, there’s something undeniably appealing about this anthem of friendship and ex-toasting. Everyone knows the words and sings along when it comes on the jukebox, even if few are willing to admit it. We could definitely use more jukeboxes these days!
This article was originally published on June 4, 2005. If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of parenthood, check out some great resources on pregnancy and home insemination at NICHD. For those considering a home insemination kit, visiting Make a Mom can be quite enlightening.
Summary:
Nostalgia often leads us to embrace questionable musical choices from our past. From the over-the-top ballads of Michael Bolton to the catchy rhythms of Miami Sound Machine, these five songs are undeniably uncool but still hold a special place in our hearts. As we reflect on the music of the ’80s and early ’90s, we find joy in celebrating the awkwardness and charm of these guilty pleasures.
Keyphrase: embarrassing songs from the ’80s
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