It’s nearly 10 p.m., and I can feel my eyelids getting heavy as I correct a typo in my latest article. From his room, my son calls out, “Mom! I’m scared! Can you come lay with me?” I ask my partner, Jake, to attend to him instead. I have a deadline looming in the morning, and I need to finish my work before my brain turns to mush.
“But I want Mommy!” my son protests.
“She’s busy working, dear,” Jake reassures him.
A pang of guilt strikes my heart. I picture my son in a therapist’s office in the future, saying, “My mom was always busy working.” It sounds dramatic, but the guilt that accompanies working from home is very real and something I didn’t anticipate.
Since childhood, I envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom. I imagined working for a few years, marrying, having children, and dedicating myself fully to motherhood. I did work for a while, married, but when our first child was born, we simply couldn’t afford for me to stop working completely. Thus, I started a small editing business at home, which allowed me to earn a little income while maintaining my professional skills. Eventually, I sought more consistent work and began online tutoring, aligning my hours with Jake’s schedule. It all seemed to fit well.
Fast forward fifteen years, and I’ve juggled at least seven work-from-home positions, often managing multiple jobs simultaneously. For the most part, it has been a fulfilling experience. I enjoy the flexibility of creating my own schedule while being there for my kids during the day, maintaining my professional presence, and contributing to our family’s finances. I feel incredibly lucky to have sustained this work-from-home arrangement.
However, it’s not without its challenges. Working from home means that my work is literally within my home environment. There’s no clear distinction between my personal life and my professional responsibilities, and no set hours when I’m “off” from either. While I appreciate the flexibility, it can be a double-edged sword. If I lack discipline, which is a struggle for me, the lines between work and home become indistinct. I often find myself working sporadically throughout the day and evening, leading to the sensation of being constantly on the job, despite only working part-time hours.
I worry about what my children perceive. Although I’m physically present, I’m often mentally occupied. They see me working on my computer, but that doesn’t equate to “work” in their minds. They simply understand that Mom can’t always devote her full attention to them.
And bless their hearts, they don’t always help in that regard. If I wake up early to squeeze in some work before they rise, they invariably wake up early too. When I attempt to work after they go to bed, they call me from their rooms or suddenly feel the need for a deep conversation late at night.
I can retreat to my office, but the reality is, when Mom is home, she’s always “on duty.” To manage this, I sometimes work in coffee shops, which I genuinely enjoy. However, that’s not a feasible option every day.
Then, there’s the household chaos. Keeping young kids engaged without resorting to too many screens often results in a certain level of mess. Busy kids equal happy kids, which allows me to work uninterrupted for a bit, but it also means more cleaning for me (or teaching them to clean, which consumes my time and energy).
The piles of laundry never seem to vanish, the shelves are perpetually dusty, and the dishes just keep accumulating. While these issues are typical for any family, they feel more pressing when working from home. I’m part of the mess, contributing to it while simultaneously being stressed by it. Since my work and children take priority, household chores often take a back seat, leading to situations where the clutter escalates and becomes overwhelming.
Despite these challenges, there are significant benefits. I never miss any of my children’s activities, and I cherish the time I get to spend with them. I’ve learned to compartmentalize my time and set clear boundaries, which is a valuable skill. I also strive to let go of the guilt associated with working in front of my kids, though it’s still a work in progress. Thankfully, Jake shares responsibilities, which helps balance our household.
In conclusion, while I wouldn’t trade my work-from-home lifestyle for anything and feel grateful for the freedom it provides, it’s essential not to romanticize the experience too much. As a work-at-home mom, you can enjoy the best of both worlds, but you also face significant challenges.
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