In the past, we often grappled with the f-word, and then the c-word took its turn in the spotlight. Occasionally, an x-word will emerge, prompting me to consult a dictionary. Each letter of the alphabet seems to carry its own weight of shock, evoking shame and laughter while challenging our refined sensibilities.
In a recent election, the controversial p-word made headlines, igniting a moral uproar across the nation. While I have no personal aversion to the word itself—I’ve even affectionately used it for our family pet—there exists another p-word that stirs frustration within me: polite. I don’t want it imposed upon my daughters.
As a mother of two girls, I can attest that they are generally respectful. They accept criticism with grace and rarely talk back—except when it comes to us, their parents. We made sure they understood the importance of manners well before they were potty trained. However, there are moments when they need the freedom to express themselves and assert boundaries, but the standard of politeness we uphold has occasionally led to them being overlooked. Even I, their mother, find myself succumbing to this issue from time to time.
So why do we continue to wield the p-word against our otherwise wonderful daughters, particularly when they need to stand their ground? Why is a lack of assertiveness so often conflated with good manners? This outdated notion keeps women silent and compliant, and it’s high time we let it go.
Take, for instance, my 10-year-old, Lily, who is a gymnast. While she is cautious and has a slight fear of heights, she genuinely loves the sport. Unfortunately, her coach sometimes resorts to intimidation tactics to motivate her. Remarks like “What are you, a baby?” or “The younger kids are managing this!” only serve to freeze her in place, diminishing her confidence. After one particularly rough practice, she came to me in tears, declaring she wanted to quit because “He said I’d never be a good gymnast if I didn’t push myself.”
While I understand the need for motivation in theory, it’s important to remember that words can leave lasting scars. Instead of confronting the coach directly, I encourage Lily to advocate for herself, to stand her ground, and to respond with confidence—if only she weren’t so—wait for it—polite.
This scenario is not unique. Many women have experienced unwanted comments, like being told to “smile more.” We’ve been conditioned to accept inappropriate behavior without raising our voices. We’ve learned to cushion our criticisms with pleasantries and to remain silent when faced with discomfort.
There comes a time when it is necessary to express, “That doesn’t work for me,” or “Thank you, but no.” Speaking out for oneself is not synonymous with being rude. While rudeness is unacceptable, assertiveness is crucial. Just as we swat away pesky mosquitoes, we should learn to stand up against those who attempt to belittle us.
Ultimately, I am proud of my daughters for being kind-hearted individuals. Even when they occasionally test the waters of rebellion—thanks to the teenage years!—I will continue to instill values of empathy, tolerance, and understanding within them. We are not trying to raise barbarians. Yet, if anyone expects my daughters to adhere to unreasonable standards of politeness, I will support them as they assert themselves, even if it means they might be labeled as assertive. That’s a label I can accept.
In summary, our society’s insistence on politeness can hinder women from advocating for themselves. It’s essential to foster a culture where girls can express their needs and boundaries without fear of judgment. By empowering our daughters to communicate assertively, we can cultivate confidence and resilience in them.
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Keyphrase: The Other P-Word and Its Impact on Our Daughters
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