Parenting is a complex journey, and the truth is that no one has all the answers. As much as we pour our efforts into nurturing our children—instilling values of kindness, responsibility, and opportunity—there’s a possibility they might not turn out as we hope. They could become the “black sheep” of the family, deviating from the path we envisioned for them. This reality is daunting, especially as a father of three, as I genuinely want my children to grow into successful and compassionate individuals.
My aspirations for them are clear: I hope they surpass me in every way. Yet, if they don’t achieve that, it leads me to question my role as a parent. In my professional life at a university, I teach students about Stephen Covey’s concept of the Circle of Concern versus the Circle of Influence. The Circle of Concern includes our worries—our health, our children’s futures, global issues—while the Circle of Influence consists of those concerns we can actively address.
This lesson prompts students to focus on what they can control. For example, while we cannot dictate the weather, we can choose to carry an umbrella; similarly, while we cannot change a poorly performing professor, we can seek alternatives to succeed in our studies. Each time I share this lesson, I reflect on my primary concern: What kind of individuals will my children become? Their future morals and ambitions weigh heavily on my mind, and I often worry about how I will feel if they stray from the values I hold dear.
As a parent, grappling with this uncertainty is challenging. It’s not about being overly controlling; it’s about the fear that my children may not reach their full potential, which I believe they possess. I often find myself re-evaluating my decisions, searching for missteps, and feeling guilt for their choices. To combat this anxiety, I have chosen to prioritize my Circle of Influence over my Circle of Concern.
The reality is, the only person I can control is myself. I can set an example as a father, guide my children through lessons, model affection in my marriage, and demonstrate commitment to our family. I can express my faith and its significance in our lives, discuss the importance of respect for all people, and illustrate how to embrace diversity. I can also share how crucial education, passions, and values are in shaping one’s character.
As my children grow, they will encounter negative influences, from social media to political affiliations. They will form opinions and align themselves with like-minded peers. While I cannot shield them from every external factor, I can anchor them with strong foundational values at home. By openly communicating the qualities I hope they cultivate, I can demonstrate through action what it means to be a good, moral, and ethical person.
Parenting requires a balance of listening and guiding. It’s essential to support our lessons with our actions. Many parents, like you, are already on this path, gently steering your children toward a promising future while showing them the value of love and compassion. If this is the case, you are effectively operating within your Circle of Influence, which is invaluable for nurturing your child’s potential.
While my children are still young, I recognize that my perspective may change as they navigate their teenage years. I often come across humorous memes suggesting it’s a parent’s duty to eliminate any negative traits in their children. Yet, I find myself pondering what that entails. Perhaps it means concentrating on my Circle of Control—maximizing every opportunity to mold my children into strong, ethical beings. If they ultimately choose a different path, I can find solace in knowing I provided them with a thoughtful example and guidance.
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Keyphrase: Parenting and Child Development
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