“Excuse me, could I please have a caramel macchiato, venti, skim, extra shot, extra hot, extra whip, sugar-free? Thank you!”
That was the overly demanding customer ahead of me. I, on the other hand, simply ordered two hot chocolates for my children, delivered in my most pleasant tone while wishing the cheerful barista a good day. Just five minutes later, I found myself snapping at my kids for squabbling over the whipped cream. It’s odd how we often reserve our best behavior for strangers while displaying our frustrations at home.
Why Do We Extend Kindness to Strangers?
Why do we extend kindness to those we don’t know but often take our bad moods out on our children? Shouldn’t the limited kindness we can muster during a rough day be directed towards our kids instead? We often vent our frustrations on those closest to us because we know they will forgive us, and it feels safer to let our guard down behind closed doors. However, this isn’t acceptable, especially in our relationships with our children.
It’s not about flipping out on everyone around us; rather, it’s about recognizing that the cashier at the store can handle our off days better than our kids can. At worst, the cashier might think we’re rude, but they likely won’t remember us the next day. In contrast, every word we say to our children leaves a lasting impact. I still recall the time I told my son I didn’t care what he wore after he rejected my fourth suggestion. He responded with, “I can’t believe I have a mom who would talk to me like that.” Kids remember these moments, and we need to be aware of how our words affect them.
Directing Love and Positivity
If you’re overwhelmed and only have a short time to share love and positivity, that energy should be directed towards your children, not strangers. I had a realization about this after viewing a feelings project my son created. Each section represented someone significant in his life, and while he colored my section with joy, there was also a bit of purple, indicating fear. It hit me hard to know that my child felt some fear towards me.
While some parents believe a little fear is beneficial, I don’t subscribe to that viewpoint. I believe in fostering respect rather than fear. I want my children to see me as their safe haven, not someone they need to be cautious around. When I asked my son what made him feel scared, he mentioned my yelling. I could have easily defended myself by saying, “I only raise my voice after repeated asking,” but that wouldn’t change the fact that he feels fear.
Striving for Calmness
I won’t claim that I’ll never raise my voice again—living with four kids who have selective hearing makes that unlikely. It is crucial, however, to communicate boundaries effectively without instilling fear. While achieving perfection is a journey, I strive to be calm, and I hope my children will learn to listen.
What I can do is be conscious of my reactions. When I’ve had a challenging day and one of them asks to play a game, I need to resist responding in frustration. The same goes for moments when I’m rushed and irritable. I must find ways to keep my negativity from spilling over onto them. This may involve putting on a neutral demeanor when out in public or taking a moment for myself to regain composure, perhaps by enjoying a snack in peace until I’m ready to engage positively with my children.
Giving the Best Version of Myself
Ultimately, it’s about giving the best version of myself, even on the most difficult days, to the little ones who deserve it the most. For more insights on this topic, you can check out our other blog posts, such as this one about navigating fertility journeys. Additionally, if you’re interested in home insemination topics, this resource provides valuable information. For those looking for expert advice on pregnancy and insemination, Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, being a parent requires immense emotional labor, especially during our challenging moments. It’s essential to prioritize our children’s emotional well-being by consciously directing our best selves toward them, even when we’re feeling less than our best.
Keyphrase: Parenting on tough days
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