When Children Are Honest, Not Tactful

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Young children, akin to your most candid friends after a few too many drinks, possess an uncanny ability for unfiltered honesty. They will candidly inform you if your breath is less than fresh or if they’re finding you a bit bothersome. Take, for instance, my then-3-year-old daughter, Lily, who was playing on the living room floor while I changed clothes. Out of nowhere, she exclaimed, “Mommy! Your backside is really big and wiggly!” Her innocent laughter echoed through the room, reminiscent of someone who has just stumbled upon a hidden $20 bill.

I was momentarily taken aback, hastily adjusting my pants. It was a harsh blow to my self-image, but I recognized the truth in her observation. My instinct was to defensively retort, “I’ve had multiple children and I enjoy sweets, alright?!” However, I understood that her intention was not to be hurtful; she was simply sharing a thought she found amusing. Little did she know, commenting on a woman’s “jiggly” features can lead to discomfort.

Despite her innocent intent, I felt compelled to respond. “Lily!” I admonished gently. “That isn’t a nice thing to say. It’s important not to comment on people’s appearances.” The look on her face suggested confusion, as if I had reprimanded her for stating that “the sun is shining.” In her mind, she was merely expressing a fact. While I felt a twinge of guilt for correcting her, it was necessary for her to learn that observations about others’ appearances should be approached with care.

We often tell our children that honesty is the best policy, yet we condition them with numerous caveats. Honesty is undoubtedly the best policy, except when it comes to Aunt Mary’s hand-knitted, vibrant orange socks, or when someone’s quirky new hairstyle comes into question. It’s a balancing act where we explain the nuances of honesty versus the potential to hurt someone’s feelings. Unfortunately, toddlers, despite their self-assuredness, have a limited understanding of social dynamics and the impact of their words. Most have not yet experienced the sting of being called names, such as “fat,” and thus may not grasp the potential for hurt in their observations.

As they navigate this developmental stage, it’s inevitable that our children will occasionally embarrass us with their blunt remarks. It’s an unavoidable aspect of parenthood. Nevertheless, we can seize these opportunities to teach them about sensitivity and awareness. We can explain that if they have thoughts or questions about someone’s appearance, it might be better to wait and ask in private.

Modeling appropriate behavior is also essential. For instance, if they come downstairs wearing a bright pink superhero shirt paired with plaid shorts, you might say, “You’ve done a great job choosing your outfit! Let’s find a shirt that complements those shorts better.” Or, you could simply let them wear whatever they choose, because in the grand scheme, does it really matter?

A couple of weeks after Lily’s initial comment about my physique, I was struggling with my workout pants when she walked in. I braced myself for another candid observation. Instead, she looked at me thoughtfully and chirped, “Mommy, you have a small butt!” I couldn’t help but chuckle and hug her, applauding her attempt to be kind. I wasn’t entirely sure I had effectively taught her tact, but it seemed she had absorbed the lesson somehow.

In the long run, I hope I have imparted an essential lesson on the importance of tact, particularly regarding sensitive topics like age or weight. One day, she’ll appreciate this guidance.

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Summary

Children often express unfiltered honesty, leading to amusing and sometimes awkward moments for parents. While it’s essential to encourage honesty, teaching tact is equally important. As parents, we can guide our children through these learning experiences, helping them understand the impact of their words on others’ feelings.

Keyphrase: Children’s honesty and tact
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