I Thought I Understood Love — Until I Became a Parent

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I believed I had a grasp on love. I cherish my partner. We have been together for nearly 11 years. Throughout our journey, we have witnessed each other in various states—sick, tired, irritable, and unkempt. We’ve embraced each other’s imperfections and eccentricities. Yet, we choose one another every single day, even amidst conflicts or moments of frustration, because we align on the core values that matter, even if we don’t see eye to eye on everything. We share laughter that brings us to tears, encourage each other’s aspirations, and strive to make those dreams a reality. This love we have is not flawless, but it is genuine and continues to evolve. I understand love. I feel it resonating deep within my being.

However, I was mistaken. That love? It’s extraordinary, but it did not prepare me for the overwhelming love I would experience for my child. It’s not that my affection for my child eclipses my feelings for my partner; it’s just that the intensity is unparalleled. Perhaps it’s the instinctive urge to safeguard my child from the harsh realities of life, to shield his innocence for as long as possible, for he remains so vulnerable in numerous aspects and relies on me for guidance and growth.

While my love for my partner runs deep, my love for my child? It’s like feeling that love magnified a thousand times. Maybe it’s because I carried him within me, witnessed his very first breath, and now he feels like a piece of my heart exploring the world. This love overwhelms me, making my heart feel as if it might burst from the sheer magnitude of my affection.

As he grows, I find myself viewing the world through his lens. I see wonder and curiosity everywhere. He reminds me of the beauty we often overlook. He encourages me to greet others with smiles instead of scowls. He brings out a softer, more open side of me, deepening my love for him.

He gazes at me as if I am his entire universe. Even in my most disheveled moments—pajamas on, hair a mess, morning breath—he is unfazed. What matters to him is that I engage with him in playful games of peek-a-boo or snuggle him close until he drifts off to sleep. In those moments, I realize that regardless of my life’s challenges, I am doing something right. I am pouring my heart into loving this incredible child.

As we age, love tends to grow complicated. We fret over mortgages, jobs, health, and wellness, which can wear us down and sometimes bring out our less desirable selves. Often, we take out our frustrations on our partners, simply because they are nearby or due to a misunderstood comment. So while romantic love is exhilarating, it can become tangled in life’s complexities.

Conversely, my love for my child remains uncomplicated for now. I recognize that as he matures, challenges will arise. He will argue, test boundaries, and misbehave. But for the moment, our love is straightforward—full of hugs, laughter, and snuggles. He crawls excitedly toward me the moment he sees me, and I am reminded of that heart-bursting love, that fierce protective instinct that will always be a part of me. He embodies a beautiful blend of both me and my partner, making him the most incredible creation.

One day, he may drive me just as crazy as my partner does, and perhaps that’s a good thing. It signifies that, even amidst the chaos, love prevails. We choose love, quirks and all. The moment I first laid eyes on him, my world was transformed in the most delightful way. It became abundantly clear: I was destined to love this child. Even in his moments of frustration, I will love him fiercely.

I will love this child with every fiber of my being for as long as I am able. Each day, he teaches me that the purest form of love is unconditional, one that flourishes even when life tries to complicate it.

For those exploring the journey of parenthood, this article serves as a glimpse into the profound and evolving nature of love that parenthood brings. For more insightful resources on pregnancy and home insemination, consider visiting WHO’s pregnancy page, or check out this informative post on couples’ fertility journey and our article on the home intracevical insemination syringe kit.