As a father who finds it challenging to express emotions, I aspire for a better emotional future for my son.
My work is rooted in a highly masculine environment within a Division I athletics program. Here, the prevailing attitude is to confront problems with sheer strength and determination. The student-athletes I engage with, typically aged 18 to 22, are undeniably strong and fast, but one of the significant hurdles we face is addressing mental health issues like depression. It’s crucial for these young men to understand that it’s not only acceptable but necessary to acknowledge vulnerability and emotional distress. Homesickness, feelings of inadequacy, and the overwhelming demands of college life can weigh heavily on them.
Over my years in athletics, I have become aware of alarming instances of suspected suicide attempts among athletes. This reality hits close to home for me, especially as I consider my son, who is just a decade younger than these students. I want him to realize that it’s perfectly normal for men to display emotions, to cry, and to seek help when needed.
While I don’t often cry myself—having only shed tears once in the past nine years, when my daughter had a medical emergency—I recognize the importance of emotional expression. Men are often conditioned to build barriers around their feelings, leading to a reluctance to cry or show vulnerability, even when the need arises. This mindset is something I do not wish to pass on to my children.
I strive to instill strength in all my children, including my son, while also nurturing their ability to be compassionate and emotionally aware. However, I feel like I am not setting the best example in this regard. When my father passed away, I didn’t cry. I also didn’t cry during significant life events such as my wedding or the births of my children. It’s a troubling pattern that I realize needs to change.
Recently, my son, Oliver, experienced a moment of emotional struggle during a soccer game. As a goalie, he faced a tough match where his team was down. Despite his best efforts to block shots, the opposing team scored multiple goals, leaving him frustrated and teary-eyed on the sidelines. Recognizing the emotional turmoil he was experiencing, I refrained from telling him to “toughen up” as my father would have. Instead, I embraced him and encouraged him to let his feelings out. “It’s okay to cry, Oliver. Just let it go,” I whispered, and he did, finding comfort in expressing his emotions.
As fathers, it is vital to promote emotional well-being in our children, reminding them that it’s perfectly okay to feel, to express sadness, and to seek help. This approach is essential for fostering emotional intelligence and resilience, particularly in our sons.
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In summary, as a father striving to navigate my emotional limitations, I aim to set a positive example for my son by encouraging him to embrace his feelings and understand the importance of emotional expression. It’s imperative to foster a culture where vulnerability is seen as a strength rather than a weakness.
Keyphrase: emotional expression in parenting
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