I hear a soft thud followed by a burst of laughter, and then another muted crash. It seems the kids are at it again, their joyful shrieks filling the air. “Stop sitting on me!” shouts the six-year-old, while the four-year-old erupts into giggles. Another thud echoes through the house.
My three boys are wrestling once more, and I’m perfectly fine with it.
My husband is the type of dad who thrives on rough play. He loves dangling the kids upside down or encouraging them to create an “alligator stack” on his back, with each child climbing on top of the other by age. He tickles, tackles, and even performs this amusing “sloth” act where they all cling to his arm, their limbs wrapped around him as he spins them around.
I may not engage in such vigorous activities, but I express my affection through hugs and gentle touches. There’s always at least one child snuggling up on my lap, and I often find myself carrying the youngest, who is nearly three, around the house. They vie for a spot next to me on the couch, and even my six-year-old holds my hand during outings, like at Target or while strolling down the sidewalk. We are a family that thrives on physical connection.
Since my husband encourages this roughhousing, it’s only natural for the boys to engage in it with one another. A simple game of burrowing under blankets can quickly escalate into playful punches. They sit atop each other, roll on the floor, and push one another around. At times, they curl up together like kittens. Occasionally, one may let out a yowl, prompting the others to pause. They are mindful of each other’s boundaries, avoiding any hits to the face or sensitive areas. They know their limits well.
Thus, I allow them to play rough, believing it benefits their development.
Research on Rough Play
Research supports this notion. Physical touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that fosters social behavior. According to Psych Central, oxytocin enhances trust, diminishes fear, and boosts empathy, while also alleviating stress and anxiety. In their book The Art of Roughhousing and Why Kids Need It, authors Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Lawrence J. Cohen argue that roughhousing nurtures intelligence, sharpens emotional awareness, and cultivates moral values, all compelling reasons to permit children to engage in playful wrestling.
My boys instinctively recognize which friends are suitable for rough play and when to refrain from it with their siblings. Some children prefer gentler interactions, and my kids can adapt accordingly. They have a family of friends who have likely never engaged in physical play, and my children respect that boundary. Conversely, my oldest son has a friend who matches his energy for wrestling, even if that sometimes leads to misunderstandings, such as when his mother mistook a playful tussle for something more dangerous.
Challenging Parenting Norms
In today’s parenting landscape, my approach may seem unconventional. The trend of helicopter parenting has led many to obsess over the potential for injury, causing them to view two children wrestling on the floor as perilous. Parents often attribute injuries to direct causes, and if roughhousing is involved, it’s seen as a failure of supervision. This perspective categorizes rough play as an activity for misbehaving children and negligent parents, while “good” parents are expected to teach their kids to maintain personal space.
Consequently, I often receive disapproving glances at the playground when my children engage in roughhousing or wield sticks as swords. What these judgmental observers fail to grasp is that I do not condone wrestling born from anger. I intervene when disputes arise over toys or if they strike out in frustration. That is not the type of playful wrestling we encourage. Consent is key; without it, the playful energy shifts into something negative, which we firmly label as fighting.
As long as both participants are willing, I will allow my children to embrace rough play, regardless of societal expectations. They should have the freedom to wrestle, engage in roughhousing, and express their energy fully. I believe that this is a crucial part of their growth.
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Conclusion
In summary, while the world may have shifted toward a more cautious approach to parenting, allowing children to engage in rough play can foster emotional intelligence and physical development. Embracing this aspect of childhood not only enriches their experiences but also strengthens their bonds with one another.
Keyphrase: Roughhousing and Child Development
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