By: Sarah Thompson
At 4 p.m., I find myself drained. The night was long, spent tending to my sick, coughing 3-year-old, and now I’m juggling several dishes on the stove. I must keep an eye on the broccoli, as my older son refuses to eat it if it’s overcooked. Meanwhile, my youngest is on the toilet, taking what feels like forever. Soon, I’ll have to devote time to assisting him while simultaneously worrying about dinner burning.
As I cook, my phone buzzes with work emails and my sister is texting about weekend plans. Just then, my older son approaches, animatedly discussing his latest video game obsession. Meanwhile, my younger son starts coughing from the bathroom, prompting concern. Is it merely a cold, or something more serious? Should I call the doctor?
I can feel my heart race, and anxiety creeps in, as it often does during these chaotic moments. For those of us with anxiety, situations like this can feel overwhelming. While stress is a common experience for everyone, those of us prone to anxiety have a heightened sensitivity to it. When life demands stack up, we often reach a breaking point.
As parents, we frequently navigate these stressful waters without a choice. Parenting is inherently challenging, filled with constant demands and unexpected hurdles. The responsibility of nurturing and caring for our children is relentless and can lead to feelings of fear and unease.
During these moments, anxiety often rears its head when I’m in the thick of parenting. Opportunities for mindfulness or deep breathing are scarce. Thankfully, I don’t suffer full-blown panic attacks around my children often, but as someone with an anxiety disorder, I have had experiences that left me feeling overwhelmed. I strive to shield my kids from my internal struggles, but there are times when I’ve had to pause and say, “Mommy needs a moment” as I try to regain my composure.
Even when I’m not at my breaking point, my thoughts can drift elsewhere. I might become preoccupied with worries or tasks, leaving me distracted. I wonder if my children notice this and how it impacts them. When I’m lost in thought while preparing dinner, does my older son perceive that I’m not truly listening to him? Does he think, “Mommy is too busy,” or does he sense that I’m mentally elsewhere, grappling with anxiety?
I often reflect on whether my anxiety has affected my children. Sometimes I catch glimpses of anxious behavior in them, but I can’t discern if it’s typical childhood worries or if they’ve inherited my anxious tendencies. This leads me to obsess over how I can help them avoid anxiety, questioning if there’s anything I can do to protect them.
In my mind, I often apologize to my children for my anxious nature and its potential impact on their lives. I’ve even expressed this verbally. “I’m sorry, I can’t focus on your video game right now,” I tell my older son. “I feel overwhelmed, like my brain has too many tabs open.” While he seems to understand, I can’t help but wonder if he sees me as a distant parent, caught up in my thoughts.
Anxious parents can be overly critical of themselves, and that’s a common trait of anxiety. Yet, every parent desires their children to feel secure and at peace. I lack definitive answers, but I am committed to self-care, therapy, and exercise—strategies that help manage my anxiety.
For the moments when my anxiety has affected my children, I feel deep remorse. I grieve and wish things were different. I’m learning to accept that my anxiety is part of who I am, and that my concern for my children reflects my commitment to being a good parent. I just hope they recognize this, and if they don’t, that they can forgive my shortcomings.
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Summary
As an anxious parent, I often grapple with feelings of overwhelm while trying to care for my children. My anxiety can distract me, leading to concerns about how it affects my kids. I strive to manage my mental health and be present for them, hoping they can understand and forgive my shortcomings.
Keyphrase: Anxious parenting
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