When it comes to parenting styles, attachment parenting is often recognized for its emphasis on practices such as co-sleeping, feeding on demand, prompt responses to a child’s cries, and gentle discipline. If this style does not resonate with you, that’s completely understandable. This article does not aim to criticize more traditional methods of parenting, which undoubtedly offer their own set of benefits for both parents and children.
However, I want to share my experience with attachment parenting, as all four of our children were raised this way. For those parents who may look at their peacefully sleeping child in bed and wonder if they are creating an overly dependent individual, or for those who feel like they are merely a human pacifier, your concerns are valid. To the couple who hasn’t had a break since the birth of their baby due to nursing obligations, this message is for you.
Interestingly, we did not consciously choose to adopt attachment parenting. When our first child arrived, we hadn’t thought deeply about our parenting philosophy. Our journey into attachment parenting unfolded organically. The first time our son was with us, we discovered that co-sleeping allowed us all to get better rest. I naturally gravitated towards nursing on demand, day and night, which made leaving him difficult; thus, we didn’t attempt to do so. As for the cumbersome baby carriers? They were uncomfortable, so I opted to carry my child in my arms or use a sling.
Before long, we found ourselves fully immersed in attachment parenting. While this approach felt instinctive and fulfilling, I still grappled with doubts about our choices at times—despite receiving encouragement from my parents, grandparents, and Dr. Michael. Certain phases in our children’s development raised questions for me. When our eldest turned four, he experienced significant separation anxiety. Had we made him too reliant on us? By age five, our second child still crept into our bed at night. Was that typical? Our third child wanted constant carrying during her first year and a half. Was that a problem? And our youngest, who spoke later than the others, made me wonder if we had spoiled him by catering to his needs before he even expressed them.
Looking back, I wish I had known that my children would thrive just fine, developing into wonderful individuals. While they are still growing—only one has flown the nest, and the youngest is just 12 years old—I am genuinely pleased with who they are becoming. Although I don’t attribute their character solely to attachment parenting, I believe that being raised with abundant love has had a remarkable positive impact on them. Here are some long-term benefits of attachment parenting I have observed:
- Kindness: My children may not be perfect, but they consistently strive to be kind to others, including each other and peers at school. Attachment kids tend to grow up expecting kindness in return for their own, creating a natural inclination to respond compassionately.
- Independence: A common critique of attachment parenting is that it fosters dependency. On the contrary, while they may not have been independent at a young age, as tweens, teens, and young adults, my children and those of other attachment parenting families exhibit confidence and capability borne from a secure foundation.
- Affection: It has been a while since we heard the familiar sounds of little feet padding to our room, but our kids continue to be affectionate. Our 12-year-old still enjoys snuggling during movie nights, and my teenage daughters share cuddles while watching their favorite shows. They frequently expect hugs upon entering or leaving a room.
- Healthy Attachments: Although there are warnings against being overly friendly with your children, we genuinely enjoy spending time together. This mutual respect fosters a relaxed relationship that can often mitigate the usual challenges of teenage years.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Like all siblings, my children quarrel; however, the underlying love that exists among them has been nurtured through a strong family bond.
- Happiness: The attachment kids I know, including my own, radiate happiness. They have been raised in an environment filled with love and security, which can be compared to feeding a hungry child. Just like withholding food exacerbates hunger, denying children emotional nourishment can lead to distress.
While attachment parenting is not the only method available, and my children are far from flawless, I appreciate who they are at their core. I do not claim to be an expert, but during my early years as a mother, it was the shared experiences of other mothers that reassured me, not the professionals. If attachment parenting resonates with you, embrace it. Although it can be demanding, the moments are fleeting, and you are crafting invaluable memories and nurturing remarkable kids.
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Summary
Attachment parenting, although not initially planned, has proven to be a rewarding journey for my family. It has fostered kindness, independence, affection, strong family bonds, and happiness among my children. While it may raise questions during their development, the benefits of emotional nourishment and love are evident in their growth.
Keyphrase: attachment parenting benefits
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