Your Child May Be Exhibiting Better Behavior Than You Think

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Recently, I found myself at a colleague’s home for a casual gathering. His name was Mark, and although we had worked together for a few years, he was significantly older than me. His eldest child was a teenager, while my oldest was just 9. Our discussions often centered around the challenges of parenting boys, including their propensity for laziness and their obsession with video games. Mark frequently shared insights on how he wished he had approached parenting differently when his son was younger.

At this gathering, I observed Mark’s son, a slender 15-year-old with dark hair and glasses, stepping up to help clean after the guests. His awkward attempts at humor and efforts to connect with adults reminded me of the typical teenage experience. However, what truly struck me was his kindness. He engaged with my children, entertaining my son with games, introducing my daughter to their playful dog, and helping to keep my youngest away from their garden.

After watching him for a while, I leaned over to Mark and remarked, “Your son really isn’t as troublesome as you make him out to be.” Mark smiled, acknowledging my comment with a hint of pride, as if he needed an outside perspective to recognize his son’s admirable qualities.

This got me thinking about my own children. Like many parents, I often find myself venting about my eldest son, Ethan. I complain about the challenges of waking him up, coaxing him to eat anything other than mac and cheese, and the struggle to pry him away from his iPad. However, when I take a step back, I realize that, overall, he’s a pretty decent kid. He doesn’t use foul language, completes his homework (after some initial resistance), enjoys reading and sports, and maintains good grades without getting into trouble at school. He is respectful, helps his sisters, and even attends family events with a positive attitude. Most of the grievances I have with him are typical developmental hurdles, not major behavioral issues.

This revelation highlights a common dilemma in parenting. With so much focus on nurturing our children into the best versions of themselves, we can become overly critical of their every action. I strive for Ethan to be a respectful and responsible adult, which sometimes leads me to scrutinize him harshly—often overlooking the many ways he excels.

As the evening at Mark’s home drew to a close, I noticed his son diligently picking up toys that my children had scattered. Meanwhile, Ethan lounged on the sofa, hoping to avoid the chore. I playfully remarked to Mark’s son, “I told your dad you’re not nearly as bad as he thinks.” He laughed, and I turned to Ethan, encouraging him to help out. After some eye-rolling, he reluctantly got up to assist. As he cleaned, I took the moment to express my appreciation, saying, “You know, Ethan, you’re a pretty good kid. I should acknowledge that more often.” His smile in response was a reminder of the power of simple praise.

This experience underscored the importance of acknowledging the positive behaviors in our children. A little encouragement can go a long way in building their confidence and reinforcing good behavior. It’s essential for parents to focus not just on the challenges but also on the many accomplishments and positive traits of their children.

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In conclusion, it’s vital as parents to celebrate the positives in our children, while also navigating the inevitable challenges of raising them. Acknowledging their good behavior can foster a supportive environment that encourages growth and development.