By: Emily Carter
Updated: Aug. 13, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 11, 2016
During the final days of our honeymoon, my partner and I shared a tender kiss in the parking lot of a quaint French bakery in Quebec City. We had chosen to journey through Canada, wanting to savor the beauty of autumn rather than retreat to a warmer climate. Being there with him felt exactly as I had anticipated—utterly perfect. Our excitement about the future clouded our judgment; we were aligned in our desires and aspirations. I was still basking in the joy of being Mrs. Carter, often referring to him as “my husband” instead of using his name.
As we embraced, a woman with elegant gray hair tied in a bun walked by, her red lipstick vibrant against the backdrop of her denim jeans, which she wore with grace. She strolled hand-in-hand with a man, pausing to catch my eye. Our gazes locked, and although she was conversing with her companion, her attention was solely focused on me. I felt a warmth spread through me, yet I quickly averted my gaze, returning my focus to my husband. However, her presence lingered, as if she were still right beside me.
The following morning, I awoke early, eager to surprise my husband with fresh croissants and crepes. Outside the bakery, I spotted the same woman sitting alone, her striking features unchanged. She offered me a soft smile, differing from the intense look she had given me the night before. “I saw you two kissing here last night,” she remarked.
“Yes, I’m on my honeymoon.”
“Ah, the honeymoon phase. Please, have a seat,” she said, motioning to the chair beside her.
“I’ve been married for 32 years. There is only one honeymoon. After that, as you dig into life, you’ll discover the true essence of your relationship.”
I had heard that sentiment before. Friends had shared their struggles, yet I was convinced that we would be different. Our love felt strong, and I believed we had what it took to sustain it.
“Your marriage, it will feel heavy at times,” she continued.
I dismissed her words—how could that possibly apply to us? We adored each other. Yet, I remained seated, willing to listen despite my reluctance.
Years later, I’ve come to grasp the wisdom she imparted. There will be days when communication feels impossible, moments when minor irritations ignite frustration—not because of the action itself but due to its repetition. You may find yourself struggling to bring your best self to the relationship, and there will be times when you no longer recognize the person you married. Disagreements about parenting, finances, intimacy, and even household chores can create rifts.
There will be instances when you knowingly harm your relationship, and yet you choose to do so. You’ll learn how to inflict pain on one another, and after long, exhausting days, you may wish for your partner to take on the emotional burden because you feel depleted. Sometimes they will, but other times, they might not, as that’s not fair to them either.
You will both reminisce about the early days of your relationship, and discussing the changes will be challenging. Marriage has its peaks and valleys, and during the lows, you may question whether this is how it should be. At times, you might even wonder if the end is near.
However, if you persevere, as my husband and I have, and learn to navigate the weight together—fighting for one another, your children, and your needs—you will discover what a true marriage entails.
I may not recall every word that woman shared with me outside that bakery, but her impact on my perspective is undeniable. I often reflect on her wisdom throughout my marriage, believing that our encounter was serendipitous and meaningful.
While I’m not an expert on marriage, after 14 years, my husband and I have gleaned valuable insights; when marriage feels heavy, it can be a shared burden, and sometimes it cannot. Even in the happiest unions, challenges arise, and like everything else in life, we strive to manage our marriages as best we can, especially during those weighty moments. If you’re interested in exploring more about family-building options, I recommend visiting Resolve, which provides excellent resources for navigating pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, even the most joyful marriages can encounter burdens, yet with mutual effort, couples can navigate through these challenges together.
Keyphrase: marriages can feel heavy
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