Many individuals would characterize me as sociable and engaging. On a good day, I thrive in the company of friends and family. I typically bring my best parenting skills to the table (or at least I manage to project that image well), and I strive to be an attentive wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
But today was different.
Today felt like I was descending into a dark abyss. While these days aren’t frequent, they occur more often than I care to admit. You know those days when you can’t be the parent you aspire to be, yet you can’t quite articulate why? These are the days when I disconnect from everything except the bare minimum tasks that must be completed.
Such days can feel overwhelming.
They engulf me and leave me feeling disoriented. I find myself avoiding phone calls and neglecting emails, not wanting to confront the world around me. It becomes too much to bear. All I yearn for is to curl up in bed, hidden beneath the covers, and escape reality.
I can’t pinpoint exactly what triggered today’s turmoil. Perhaps it was my son waking up multiple times with nightmares last night. Maybe it was the broken air conditioner that has lingered for a week, or my unfortunate trip to get blood drawn in a downpour, only to have the iPad I brought for my son die unexpectedly. Or, it might be my anxiety over impending thunderstorms, worrying about being cooped up with my son for the rest of the week.
It could be a mix of all these factors—or perhaps none of them.
Life is always throwing challenges our way, and as mothers, we adapt and navigate the chaos. Most days, we rise to the occasion and feel like rock stars. But on some days, the weight of life’s circumstances can be overwhelming—not because we can’t handle it, but because we simply don’t want to. We long for a moment to recharge and retreat, but responsibilities keep us anchored.
The reality is that tasks still need to be accomplished, regardless of our mental state.
Meals require preparation. Drinks need pouring. Diapers must be changed. Favorite toys often end up in places they shouldn’t be. Clean-up from accidents can feel relentless. Bananas need peeling, and sandwiches must be cut into manageable pieces.
The truth is, these little ones depend on us. No matter how trivial each task may seem, they rely on us to do them. So, we fulfill these duties, albeit without the enthusiasm we typically bring. We end up offering a diminished version of ourselves to our children. And I’ve come to terms with that reality.
Expecting a mother to be “on” every single day is neither realistic nor an accurate portrayal of motherhood. There are days that are simply tough, and we must learn to accept the ups and downs. It doesn’t indicate a flaw; it reflects our humanity. Perfection is unattainable. Those mothers who seem to have everything together each day are merely putting on a front.
It’s unrealistic to think that those seemingly perfect mothers can prepare a nutritious meal while feeling completely drained, or engage in stimulating activities when all they want to do is hide. Addressing children with the calmness and patience we aspire to can feel impossible on those tough days.
On days like today, I’ve learned to parent in survival mode, and I’m at peace with not doing everything I usually would with my child.
I’m okay with giving him canned soup and letting him watch an iPad. I’m fine with him staying in his pajamas all day. I’m accepting of him sharing half of his grilled cheese with the cat, leaving crumbs in his wake. I’m okay with him running around, turning the house upside down. I’m even comfortable canceling playdates because I simply lack the energy to socialize. It’s alright to ask my partner to come home early because I feel like I might lose it.
Mothers have their off days too. We experience moments that are less than ideal, and it’s essential to allow ourselves the grace to have those days without guilt. Sometimes, a mom just needs to exist. I remind myself that tomorrow may bring a renewed perspective—or it might not.
But today, I just need to float a little without judgment from others or, most importantly, from myself.
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Summary
Parenting can be challenging, especially on days when we feel overwhelmed and unable to meet our own expectations. It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to have off days where we function in survival mode, focusing on the essential tasks without the usual enthusiasm. Accepting these moments as part of the parenting journey allows for grace and understanding, for both ourselves and our children.
Keyphrase: parenting in survival mode
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